Walk Your Talk!

It's interesting how children grow up to be influenced by the world around them, isn't it? Parents strive to do their best to teach and train them, and hopefully instill God's Word in them to where they make good decisions. They will make mistakes. They will make bad decisions. They will do things to damage their reputation. They will do things that dim their light that is shining for Jesus. They won't always realize it at the time, though. Looking back they will see and understand.

Parents, let's pray that our children remember the truths they've been taught. Let's pray that the example they show to others not only honors you as their parents, but also one that glorifies the Lord. It's really easy to fall into what the world believes is okay. It's even harder to be different when brothers and sisters in Christ may be participating in the very thing that you've realized is not wholesome and holy and God-honoring.

So pray. Pray that they will have the knowledge of God's Word instilled in them where they will stand up to what is not good. And pray that they'll be strong in the faith - strong enough to say no when they need to. 

“Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity,” 

1 Timothy 4:12.

Even a child makes himself known by his acts, by whether his conduct is pure and upright. Proverbs 20:11

Loving....Correcting....Instructing

"What you allow, you encourage." ~Michael Josephson

Whether you're raising children, educating children, or trying to make a positive difference in yourself or your workplace, you want to set an example. When we turn a blind eye to the little things that are on the verge of right/wrong, we allow that behavior to keep happening. "Oh, they're just a kid...and kids will be kids..", "Oh that's just that person's personality, they didn't really mean it...," "Oh, they're just having a bad day...". And "Boys will be boys?" No way! Not if parents teach their boys to become men! And girls can be ladies and it's not a bad thing! God made each gender to be unique, special, and able to do things and feel things and accomplish things that the other gender wasn't made by Him to do. We were each uniquely made by God for a purpose - His purpose.

When we allow things that are wrong, we become part of the problem and not the solution.

Take time to lovingly correct your children, your students...stand up for yourself (in kindness) when someone offends you. But be KIND. Be LOVING. Be understanding, but teach and instruct and don't neglect to do so.

If no one tells them something is wrong, how will they ever know?

Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it. 

Proverbs 22:6

Parent Eye

Sometimes people get "parent eyes" or "grandparent eyes". This is when someone else's child or grandchild does something it's wrong, but if my own child or grandchild does it, it's okay. This can be something seemingly simple, but it can be something glaringly big. It can be something innocent, but it can be something sinful. It can be something against God's word, yet if it's MY child or grandchild, my "parent eyes" or "grandparent eyes" easily overlooks it because I don't want to believe that what my child or grandchild is doing is wrong.

Let's just look at some of the things that can cause "parent eyes" or "grandparent eyes":

#1: In sports, MY child walks with the ball. "Parent eyes" or "grandparent eyes" yell, "He/she did not walk!" Everyone else clearly say that he/she did walk, yet the parent can't believe it; however if someone else's child walks you can hear murmuring, "That's the third time he/she has walked!" See the problem? Yes. And the child didn't offend God. It's an innocent mistake. No big deal, really. The parent and grandparent could be offending Him, though, just by their attitude.

#2: In life, YOUR child is living with their boyfriend/girlfriend. "Parent eyes" or "grandparent eyes" will see YOUR child and think (rightfully so), "That is wrong! (1 Corinthians 6:9-10, 18...Ephesians 5:5) Sexual relations outside of marriage is sinful in God's eyes! It's listed with murder in the Bible! (Revelation 21:8)" And it is! Yet a few years down the road and those same parents and grandparents will have a child that moves in with their boyfriend/girlfriend and seem to not have a problem with it. Maybe they do deep down, and of course they wouldn't shout their disdain to the world or on social media (hopefully), but seemingly act as if it's okay. Nothing is said, even to close friends who are around them all of the time. And oftentimes the child/grandchild is posting on social media what is blatantly against God's Word, be it sexual immorality, drunkenness, mocking God or Jesus, etc. They're not only doing it, but flaunting it in the eyes of friends and family and strangers.

The point is that we all do sin and do wrong, of course, but as parents and grandparents, we must learn to see what is real. We can't excuse things in our lives and the lives of our children/grandchildren, yet condemn those around us who do the very same thing. If it's wrong, it's wrong.

Christian's are under different guidelines than those in the world in regards to sin. If a lost person does wrong, they are no more lost than they were before. They are separated from God because of sin. When a faithful Christian does wrong, it's sin, but the blood of Jesus will continue to cleanse us and make us spotless again when we confess our sins and ask God to forgive them. He is a graceful and merciful Heavenly Father and aren't we thankful that He is?!

If we are Christians we have an obligation and commandment with instructions to follow when someone is wrong, as in the example of sexual immorality given above. We find this in 1 Corinthians 5:9-13, where Paul says:

"I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world (Note from Parent's After God's Own Heart: This was written to Christians and for Christians, not for this 'of the world' who are not Christians), or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”"

That is God's instruction, whether we're looking through "parent eyes" and "grandparent eyes" or not. Our eyes can change. We can put on dark shades or rose colored glasses that distort what is true and right. God's Word never, ever changes. He is the same. The Bible is the same. And wrong is wrong, no matter what.

What eyes are you looking through today? Are they seeing what's real? Are they seeing what is right? Or are they seeing through "parent eyes" or "grandparent eyes"?

"Quit Scaring the Children!"

Sunday night our congregation hosted a youth event where many surrounding towns came to join in the worship and fellowship time together.  The speaker, Brandon, who is a youth minister, had a wonderful lesson from Daniel 3 about the "Fiery Furnace".  If you know the story, you know that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego wouldn't bow down to King Nebuchadnezzar's idol and so he threw them into an extremely hot furnace.  God saved the three men, even putting a forth man who looked like "as son of a god" into the fire with them.  He saved them because of their faith in Him.

Brandon talked encouraged all of us to be like these men - not caving in to anything in the world, but standing firm in our faith in God.  One thing he also said was to the adults in the audience. He specifically said to those "45 and older" (which I take offense in since I'm barely over that age! Haha!) was to for "us" to QUIT SCARING THE CHILDREN.  He realizes, as we all do, that this world has its problems.  The up-coming election has many people worried and scared about the future, even to the point of posting ridiculous and outlandish things on social media that are meant to be a scare tactic and pursuade people to vote for their chosen candidate.  The problem with all of this is that we are telling the children we are scared, afraid, and fearful for their future.  And as Christians, there's a big problem with our example when we are showing fear over faith.  God says, "Do not fear" over and over and over again in His Word, yet many times we get so bogged down in fear that we can't see those promises.

So what can you and I do instead of being afraid at the outcomes of elections and the future for our children and grandchildren?  We can pray.  We SHOULD pray!  And we can show our children and grandchildren that CHRIST is King, no matter what happens in this world.  What else can we do?  We can be strong and courageous, keeping the faith at Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego did, not caving in to fear, even through the "hottest fire" we can imagine.

Just as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego's example showed and proved to King Nebuchadnezzar that there is only One God, you possibly may show someone else the same.  Someone may come to know Him because of that faith.

QUIT SCARING THE CHILDREN!  Let them see your strong faith! Let them see your hope and trust in the Lord.  In doing so, you're growing their own faith in Him.

Nebuchadnezzar responded and said, “Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego, who has sent His angel and delivered His servants who put their trust in Him, violating the king’s command, and yielded up their bodies so as not to serve or worship any god except their own God.

Daniel 3:28

Losing Everything

Several years ago on a radio show, a mother called in complaining about her 17-year-old son sitting on the couch all day playing video games. The man hosting the show responded with a very uncommon response. He said that she was the parent and that she should take the couch away. He also said to take the video game away. But basically he was telling this mom that she was allowing her son's bad behavior and habits.  Isn't that is good advice?

We read in Luke 15 the story of the prodigal son.  Have you ever noticed in that chapter that the prodigal didn't come to his senses until he had LOST everything he had? He had to go way down to the bottom to be able to look up and see what he was missing.  Sometimes we GIVE our children...or maybe even give ourselves...way too much and then they/we become slaves to it.

Remember that YOU are the parent. Sometimes we as adults have to "lose everything" in order to come to our senses, as well. Sometimes we're no different than that prodigal.

As parents, our children are entitled to love, patience and a host of other godly qualities; however they are not entitled to things that we become slaves to such as cell phones, video games and yes, even cars. Take it away.  A great lesson for us parents, and actually, for all of us!

"I'm Sorry"...A Huge Milestone

Recently one of my children had to be punished for something.  (For those who know me, it's easy to figure out that two are "punishable" age and two are not! Ha ha!)  The "crime" made me more sad than mad because of what this child had done. It may have been something they thought would just be fun and okay, but in reality, the child should have known better....and did know better.

I explained how I felt about what this child had done.  My husband set the punishment, which resulted in something being taken away for several days.  I really wanted this child to say two simple words (or three without it being a contraction :) ).  I wanted them to say, "I'm sorry."  But I've never made our children say I'm sorry.  I wanted them to say it without being forced, but with honesty and sincerity.  One of my children say it soon....as soon as they've done something.  Another one is quick with apologies, as well.  But the other two?  Well.....I'll just say it doesn't come easy for them to admit they are wrong in that area.  Of course, children aren't the only ones who have trouble with that phrase. Many adults can't say it, either.

So, I'll admit I was a little bit disappointed that "I'm sorry" didn't come.  But then it did come!  A few hours later this child came to me and said they were sorry!!!  I was so excited and told them that was the best thing they could have done.  The child knew it and said, "It's the hardest thing."  A HUGE MILESTONE.

Saying sorry comes easier for some than others, but it's important for us to say, "I'm sorry".  It clears the air. It makes things okay again.  Of course, saying, "I'm sorry" only works if the person apologizing actually changes.  It will not work if "I'm sorry" is sad over and over and over just trying to cover the "offense".  Saying I'm sorry is only sincere if there is a true desire and effort to change.  It is not repeating the same offense over and over again.

This makes me think of repentance and our relationship with God.  Sin seperates us from God.  Repentance brings us back to Him.  We can't continue in sin as Christians and expect His grace to just cover everything without doing our part.  Walking in the light means striving to live a life of holiness.   When we mess up, we must confess that sin and ask Him for repentance.  He will forgive us, but He wants us to acknowledge our mistakes.  And we will forget.  There will be times we won't realize we have sinned or we won't remember every wrong.  His grace is sufficient.  Praise Him for that!

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Romans 6:1-2

Saying, "I'm sorry".  It is a huge milestone.  Have you attained it?  Can you say it?  Who needs to hear it from you?

...yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 2 Corinthians 7:9-10

Special Times With My Boys

When my husband is out of town and it's just the three boys and I, I like to use those times to have special talks during my nightly devotional with them. Last night before we read a passage of scripture, I had them list ten things they wanted to be as a husband, dad, and man when they grew up.  It's always a little hard for them to begin talking, and there are a lot of laughs at first, but then they get serious about what they want for their future.  I love hearing their thoughts, dreams, and desires.  Most of all I love hearing that they want to raise their children along with a Christian spouse, bringing their children up in the Lord.  That's the most important thing and what I want most for my boys (and for my daughter, too).

I love hearing about what my boys want for their families: A day together once a week (though one said that would sometimes be tough, knowing that he wants to make that a priority makes me proud and gives me great joy).  They want to discipline their children and teach them right from wrong.  One said he didn't want to be too tough on his children (that would be the youngest who is going through some tough discipline, himself! Ha ha!).  One wants to spend vacation times together.  One said they wanted to continue to be close to his siblings.  All of these "family" issues showed me that family is very important to my boys.  I'm so thankful that it is, and pray that it continues to be for them.

After the boys went to bed, I was thinking about other questions I would ask them at the dinner table today.  Dinner, lunch, supper, even breakfast....whatever it is....when you're gathered together as a family is the most important aspect of family life.  Unfortunately when children are involved in extra-curricular activities, those times are sometimes rare.  It has to be a family priority to even happen. It won't happen by accident.  But that's when special discussions take place, just as they do during family devotionals.

Learning more about how my boys think is a crucial part of parenting.  I don't want them to grow up and I find I don't know much about them.  I want to know how they think and what they enjoy.  When we're on shopping trips - just one on one with them - we talk about things.  When it's just one in the house after school, we talk about things.  At other times, there are special times when I get special times with one or all of the boys. They'll be gone before I know it, so these times together are very special - times when we just talk.

Thank you, God, for the special times with my boys!

A "Top 10" for Parents

Last week on our Facebook (Parents After God's Own Heart) parenting page, we listed this "Top 10".  Maybe you can think of other things to add to this list.

We can't all be perfect parents, but there are lots and lots of things we can do to be great parents.  The biggest thing we can do is make the most of every opportunity we have with our children, because they aren't with us long in the scope of life. We have relatively few years with them to teach and train.

"Top 10 Things" Parents After God's Own Heart will do:

1. Use the Bible as the source of what is good and right and as the guide for holy living.
2. Teach and train children in things that honor God.
3. Model a servant's heart. Serve one another in the home. Serve others outside of the home.
4. Love each other and show Jesus' love to others.
5. Never allow other things to be first and center in the family. Only God deserves that place. All other things placed front and center are idols.
6. Worship together as a family and with the family of believers...the church...because Jesus died for the church...the family of believers. It's the very least we can do for Him.
7. Be thankful for everything. Say it out loud.
8. Pray all the time. Pray in good times and in bad times. Pray when you're happy. Pray when you're sad.
9. Show a strong faith in daily living. Don't fall apart in times of trial, but fall on your knees! Doing so will be teaching your children to do the same.
10. Show forgiveness. Ask for forgiveness. Nobody's perfect. We all make mistakes. We all need forgiveness. Then accept apologies without strings attached.

Coming Home

Later on this afternoon, our oldest child will be back home. Lauren will have completed her first year of college!  She will officially be a Sophomore.

It seems like yesterday that we dropped her off, driving back home without her, tears streaming. We weren't sure what life would be like without her here. But, just like she did, we adjusted. We learned to enjoy her weekend visits. At Christmas she was here longer, then transferred closer where we've been able to see her a lot more often.  And now she'll be home for three and a half months.

There will, most likely, be an adjustment to Lauren living back at home. Her brothers have adjusted to life without an older sister bossing them around, for one! Ha ha!  She will have to get used to being home, too.  She won't have quite as much freedom as she had before, but will have more, in a way.  My rule for her coming home was that she didn't have to help around the house if she was here for only a weekend, but if it was more than three days, she was no longer a guest. She was part of the family....and the family works together! :)

This relationship between a college child and her family makes me think of God and His children.  Maybe the reason some of His children feel distant from Him is that they aren't around Him enough.  Maybe they just visit from time to time, but don't ever stay long enough to be really familiar with Him.

God longs for His children to be close to Him. He doesn't want just occasional weekend visits. He wants full-time custody!  He wants His children to feel so comfortable with Him that they can tell Him anything - and they do.  He wants that closeness. He wants their hearts.

When we give our lives fully to Our Heavenly Father, it won't be an adjustment each time we come home to Him.  It will be natural.  Coming Home.......that's what God wants from His children.  All of them.

The Chronicles of Biscuit - I Thought You Would Say Hello

The Chronicles of Biscuit: Stories about our youngest son, Tyler, whose nickname is Biscuit.

Sunday morning began as every Sunday morning begins - with me waking up the boys, and me telling them what is "appropriate" to wear....according to the season, temperature, and just the general time of the month. It's always a bit confusing to me: Is it still 'no spring clothes until Easter' or is it spring clothes after the first day of Spring, or does anyone really care?  Does it really matter?  If you know, please tell me!  I almost don't care any more!

This Sunday I just decided on my own (my husband is out of town, but he would always let them wear whatever - regardless of the season! :) and told told the boys they could wear "spring" colors, but not the new shirts I had bought for them to wear at Easter, although we don't usually buy Easter clothes. It just happened to be a new shirt for spring.

I went to my own room and began to get ready.  I didn't see the boys again, actually! By the time I left my room, they were gone. I usually have the youngest, Biscuit, stop by my room for "approval", but this time I didn't.

After Bible class, Biscuit came to sit by me.  I noticed his sort-of-wrinkled, new bought-for-Easter shirt!  I said, "Biscuit! Your shirt isn't ironed, and I told you not to wear that shirt today!"  Biscuit sort of slumped and said, "Mom, I thought you would just say "hello", not tell me what was wrong with my shirt!"  OUCH!  That stung!  Biscuit's words pricked my heart!  He has always had a way of doing that - even from a young age.

I hugged Biscuit and told him "hello" :), and I told him I was glad that he was sitting there by me. I explained the shirt problem - that I had said not to wear it. He said he didn't hear me, which is a common problem with the littlest.  That's why he always has to come by and get "checked"....something I should have had him do and will from now on.

Now, before you wonder about the ironing...our children have learned to iron at a young age.  We help them when needed, but typically Biscuit doesn't want/need help.  This was just a new shirt, so he didn't think it needed it, I suppose!

But the important part of this story isn't the not ironing. It's not the wearing of the shirt.  It was the way I handled the situation.  I should have waited and said something later - when we got home - instead of saying it right before worship.  It didn't matter.

What mattered was that we were there - ready to worship God and to remember the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross. THAT MATTERED!  And that's the only thing that mattered. I didn't need to scold Biscuit about his shirt right then, even if he should have listened.  I should have said "hello" to him. I should have just asked him about what he learned in Bible class.

Lesson learned: Do What Matters!  Oh, and ALWAYS say hello....even when your son is in a wrinkled shirt that he isn't supposed to be wearing.

I Love My Daughter!

It's no surprise to most people that know me well that I always wanted four boys.  Grade school drama - partly because of my own doing - made me not want girls. I was afraid to have a girl.  I was afraid I would have a "girly" girl, a prissy, drama-queen girl....and that wasn't anything I thought I could handle.

So, when we were expecting our first child, and didn't find out the gender, I just knew it was a boy. I had always wanted a big brother (still do), and just knew it was a boy. But, about two weeks before my due date, I dreamed I had a big, "hairy" girl!!! I mean hairy as in a LOT of hair.  That might have been a clue as to why I had so much acid reflux, as the wives' tale says.

September 21st went by, and no baby.  I kept working...even on my due date.  I worked for an ophthalmologist part time. He could deliver babies.  He had in his residency. He joked that he didn't WANT to, though :).  And, he didn't have to.

On September 24th,  after being in he hospital since a little after midnight, our GIRL was born at 8:45 p.m.  She weighed 8 lbs. 9 oz., so was a big baby.  And she did have a LOT of hair - even little fuzzy hair on her ears!  My dream was right! Perhaps that dream was God preparing me.  Maybe!

This past weekend, Joe and the boys were gone skiing. Lauren was able to come home from college for a day to stay with me. It ended up that her babysitting plans were changed, and she was able to stay the whole weekend. She left last night.  We had a lot of fun together.

As we were driving home from worship, she mentioned the "all boys" thing that I had wished for pre-childbirth.  I didn't tell her that for a long time, but now she knows and has heard me say it.  What she hasn't heard me say enough is that I'm sooooooo very thankful that God blessed us with a GIRL!!!  She was not a "girly", frilly, blingy girl, BUT if she was, we would love her just as much.

We cannot imagine life without her.  She brings something to our family that no one else can, simply because she is a girl.  God knew we needed a daughter.  He gave her to us for that need.

As she grows up and grows older, this quote...that a daughter grows up and becomes your best friend....became more real.  I know that from being friends with my own mother, but it is wonderful to know it from your own daughter.

So, Lauren....THANK YOU.  Thank you for being our daughter.  Thank you for being in our family. Thank you for staying with me and keeping me company this weekend. Thank you for taking out the trash since your Dad and brothers weren't here :).  Thank you for wanting to spend time with me.  Thank you for being a friend.  I LOVE YOU MOST! :)

CALL IT BOTH WAYS!

CALL IT BOTH WAYS!

It doesn't take long into a basketball season before you hear that familiar phrase. In fact, maybe you're even the one saying it! But maybe, like us, we're just the ones hearing it. Really hearing it. And it was directed towards my husband! And I didn't like it! At all!

This week was our annual elementary tournament. Several teams come to our large gym, they turn the court into two smaller courts with side goals that come down. The referees are locals - like my husband, brother-in-law, a few teachers, and a few high school basketball players. Strictly volunteers. No pay, just glad to help out the local school and visiting schools.

It didn't take long before fans (and coaches) were yelling about the calls they did make or they didn't make. They were even talked about on a small town radio station! Now before you think they really were that bad, consider that these kids are 5th and 6th graders, maybe some 4th graders. Many, if not most of them, have never played much basketball before and they're still learning the game. They're learning to dribble, to pass, to guard, to shoot, to be in the right places at the right times. And for many, at least in our town, they just finished football and went to basketball maybe two weeks ago. Not very long for practicing in their short gym period and with so many students.

Here are a few things we heard, and mine and my husband's thoughts about them afterwards:

1. Call it both ways!
What the fan really means is call it MY way. If the calls were all in his/her favor, he/she wouldn't be yelling!

2. They're walking! They're fouling! They're doing.......whatever!
Yes, they are some times. Both teams are. Look really closely and you'll notice. But, they did call it when it was bad...just not the occasional.

3. You need to call everything!!
Really? There were two teams playing at a time, starting at 4:00 and ending about 8:00. If EVERYTHING was called, it wouldn't have been over until midnight. Really. Again, what the fan means is call everything on THEM.

4. Didn't you see that?
No. Probably not. You are a ways from the action and usually up in the stands, so it's easier for you to see it than it is for a ref who can't look at everything. He/She must look at the play/action where the ball is. One of them may be back a ways, but then the offense may be blocked from their view.

5. Come on, REF!
You know what? If you really feel like the refs are that bad, why don't you become a ref yourself and make the system better! This more for paid/professional refs, of course....not the volunteers at an elementary tournament.

If you're a fan, please open your eyes to TRULY see everything that is going on. Don't look only at the other teams' offenses, but at your own. Open your mind, as well. And maybe, for once, don't open your mouth! Ha! Ha! Remember, little ones are listening to you. They're watching your example. When you yell rude things, they'll learn to do the same. And sometimes it isn't just parents, it's grandparents!

And remember, little Johnny may not grow up to be the greatest basketball player in the world. But if he's your son/daughter, grandson/granddaughter, the most important thing you can do is to be there. Even if they only sit on the bench.

Ready or Not?

This morning I read a few scriptures before deciding what to write about, but everything I read seemed like a longer type of post material that I didn't have time for today.  So, I glanced through Facebook and  found a status that became my inspiration.  This post seems like it should be on our parenting blog:  "Parents After God's Own Heart".  Perhaps I'll put it there tomorrow!

The status began like this:  "From what I've read on my newsfeed, I'm pretty sure I'm the only mom not ready for school to start."  I immediately wrote and said, "I'm right there with you!"  In fact, I'm a mom that's never ready for school to start.  Truthfully, the only thing I look forward to each year is the extra-curricular activities!  I appreciate the learning that goes on, and of course appreciate the teachers that facilitate that learning, but I would rather my children be home with me.  Once it's starts, after a week or two, I'm supportive all the way.  It just takes me a while :).

Yes, I could have home schooled and have thought about it over and over, but we felt like in our small community, it was best for our children to be in public school. They can be a Christian example to those around them, and have been.  My husband works at a children's home, so we felt like it was only right for our children to be where they were.  Also, in our area, there is no home-school group that could provide group athletics and extra curricular activities for them to be involved to that degree.

So back to the "ready or  not" for school.  I love my kids and love being around them! I want them with me as much as possible because some day soon they'll all be gone.  In reality, we don't have a long time with our children, so as long as they are here, I want to spend lots of time with them.

I understand that if both parents work, it can be a hardship in the summer to find daycare, etc., for them.  I had that same problem when my first three were little and I worked three days a week.  That's one reason why I quit, even though financially we weren't sure we could do it.  But, it wasn't worth the headache of working all of that out some times.  But, you know what I found?  I loved being a stay-at-home mom!  In fact, I think it is the greatest job on earth!

Everyone has their reasons for wanting school to start, and some of those reasons are totally legitimate.  To me, though, the ones that are sad are when it is because of selfishness of the parents.  Here are a few "selfish" reasons I've seen or heard:

I need more time for myself.
My kids are unruly.
The house is messier with my children here.
I can't relax.
They drive me crazy.
And I could go on and on......

But, do you see the common issue in each of those statements?  In each one, the parent is more  concerned about themselves than they are about the children.  It's really sad.  And it's even sadder if moms are letting their children hear that they don't want them at home - that they would rather them be gone.  How do children feel when they hear those statement?  I know my children have heard those statements and have even felt bad for other children because of it.  Many times they've felt bad hearing it.

Moms, when you became a mom - at that instant - your child became your God-given responsibility. There's no debating it.  That child is yours to raise and love and nurture.  Please don't wish the time away with your child.  They'll be gone before you know it!

Ready or not?  I'll never be ready. But, sadly, next week....I must be willing.

A New Venture: Parents After God's Own Heart

My husband and I would like to announce a new venture....a new ministry, actually.....that we began a few days ago.  We've started a new website/blog and Facebook group called, "Parents After God's Own Heart".  This is something we've discussed and thought about off and on for a few years, but weren't sure if the time was right for our family.  However, since our daughter just graduated from high school and is "raised" for the most part, and the youngest will be in his final year of elementary school in the fall, it seemed like the right time to do it.  We've got some experience under our belts, but are still in the parenting process enough to know what's going on in today's world.  Not newbies and not old fogies, I guess (maybe?? :) )

We covet your prayers as we begin this new ministry.  It is our prayer that God will always be glorified in everything we say and do. We're not sure where God will decide to grow this ministry.  We'll leave it up to Him. Eventually we've thought about the possibility of parenting workshops, and maybe even a book or two, but, we're not planning too much.  God will lead, and we're not going to get too busy in that stuff while we're still in the parenting phase, itself.  We've got three boys to finish raising!  They need us and that is our most important priority.

If you would like to visit the website, it is located at www.parentsaftergodsownheart.com.

The Facebook group link is at this address: https://www.facebook.com/ParentsAfterGodsOwnHeart

Parenting: Thoughts about Instagram

Now that my children's schedules are crazy, as it is every spring towards the end of school, my blogging schedule is crazy, too!

Tomorrow morning I'm leaving before the sun comes up for a golf tournaments.  In fact, in the past few weeks, I've done that several time, and that is not my normal schedule!  But, I wouldn't trade it for anything.  What a blessing to be able to watch my children in their activities.  I'm blessed to be a stay-at-home mom!

So, I'll wait and write the next "Who's in Charge?" post Tuesday.  We'll continue looking at the way the church was set up according to God's Word.  Thank you for all of the comments about the other "Who's in Charge?" posts.  I appreciate your input and encouragement via post messages, emails, and Facebook messages.

For today, I want to share a link with you that is about parenting - specifically parenting teens/children and the dangers of social media.  Social media is not all bad.  But it can be.  Parents must be pro-active in protecting and instructing their children.

This blog post link will talk about some of the problems with Instagram.  Just like the post I did on Snapchat a few months ago, this post is just what CAN happen.  However, I see it every day.  Mostly from young girls. They are seeking attention.....looking for their 'identity' by the popularity of their pictures.  Each and every day, just as the author suggests.

Please take the time to read it.  Here's the link:  http://taylorandsarahbrooks.blogspot.com/2013/04/parents-word-about-instagram.html

The Chronicles of Biscuit - Part of the Plan

Note: The Chronicles of Biscuit - Stories about our youngest son, Tyler, whose nickname is Biscuit

Recently Biscuit got in trouble for having a bad attitude.  It was while we had company, so I had taken him into his room to talk to him and made him sit on his bed for a while before coming back in and joining the group.  While he was in there, he wrote a sweet letter - acknowledging his bad attitude and the fact that sin is in the lives of both sinners and forgiven sinners.  Here's his letter (his words and punctuation):

Dear church:

If possible I would like prayers from you. I've had problems with attitude towards my family & others. And ever time I hear what a wonderful plan it was to put Jesus on the cross I ask myself, "How could sin be part of the plan." They say that God is amazing but why did he know that sin was gonna come?

(And then his signature.)

What a sweet letter of repentance!  Biscuit knew as soon as I looked at him and asked him to go with me to his room that he was in trouble.  He knew why right then, because he knew how he had just talked to me was a BIG NO NO!  He especially knew that doing it in front of guests was even worse.  But Biscuit also is a Christian, so he knows of God's plan for forgiveness.

Each time one of our children has become a Christian, the first thing I've talked to them about was the fact that they still would do things wrong - that we all do.  I don't ever want them thinking that being a Christian means that one will never sin again.  Obviously that's not true. Only Jesus was totally sin-free!  But, I also made sure that they knew about recognizing sin and repenting of it - that God would forgive them.  The blood of Jesus continues to cleanse!  That is the plan!  God's wonderful plan!

So obviously Biscuit is having a hard time understanding all of the plan, and that's okay.  He's still young.  He is learning to recognize sin....learning to have a repentant heart....and learning about forgiveness.  Sometimes mature Christians even have trouble with that concept.  On this GRATITUESDAY, I am grateful for God's plan!

As I write this post this morning, my head is humming the tune and words to "Thomas Song".  It goes so well with Biscuit's thoughts.  I want to share it with you.  It's sung by Hallal - the group I have playing on my blog - along with The Zoe Group.  It has a beautiful message in the lyrics.

Join us for GRATITUESDAY at Heavenly Homemakers!

Thomas' Song

Ken Young

Verse 1
Jesus, You were all to me,
Why did You die on Calvary?
O Lamb of God I fail to see
How this could be part of the plan.

They say that You're alive again,
But I saw death and ev'ry sin
Reach out to claim their darkest win.
How could this be part of the plan?

Chorus 1
If I could only hold your hand,
And touch the scars
Where nails were driven.
I would need to feel Your side
Where holy flesh by spear was riven
Then I'd believe, only then I'd believe
Your cruel death was part of the heavenly plan.

Verse 2
Holy presence, holy face;
A vision filling time and space.
Your nearness makes my spirit race.
Could this be part of the plan.

I see the wounds that caused the cry,
From heaven, ocean, earth, and sky;
Where people watched their Savior die.
Could this be part of the plan?

Chorus 2
Reaching out to hold Your hand,
And touch the scars where nails were driven;
Coming near I feel Your side
Where holy flesh by spear was riven.
Now I believe. Jesus, now I believe.
Your cruel death was part of a heavenly plan.

Ending
I proudly say with blazon cry.
"You are my Lord and my God."

Copyright © 1993 Hallal! Music Exc., Dayspring Music, LLC, Toddler Tunes Music Exc.

Parenting 101

Our children's minds are like sponges - soaking up everything they learn through seeing, hearing, and experiencing.  It's amazing to watch little ones learn as they grow - learning to talk and communicate - learning to live in this world.  They only learn what they are being taught.  

What are your children being taught?  Are they learning the limits of their surroundings, what is safe and unsafe?  Are they experiencing life of a loving family and extended family who care for them and want the best for them?  Are they learning about God, Jesus, the Bible, and the church?

Sadly, many, many children in the world are not learning what they need to be learning.  They are not learning what God wants them to learn.  Instead of learning about God and His Plan for them, they are learning about the world and how the world says is the right way to live.  They're watching too much TV.  They're playing too many video games - some inappropriate for anyone, not just children.  Some are learning that in order to survive, one must steal, cheat, and that everyone is out to 'get' them in one way or another.

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 

Deuteronomy 6:6-7

Learning begins at home. And the kind of learning God wants us to learn begins at home.  It begins by living out our Christian lives in front of our children. It begins by sharing God's Word with them - both by reading and by our actions.  It begins by demonstrating a servant's heart so that our children see the example of Jesus in the lives of their parents.  It begins by how we treat one another and respond to one another.

So many problems in the world would be alleviated if we all just took these two simple, yet profound, verses to heart - and lived them out in our lives and in the lives of our children.  Imagine a world where these verses were taught in the home daily!  Imagine the difference it would make in our schools, in our communities, and in our world.

It starts with YOU, and it starts with ME.  We must be the ones to start thinking and living and learning how God wants us to - and not in the way the world says is right.  He has the plan.  We just have to follow it!

Good Stuff!

I saw several good things today that I wanted to share with you.  The first one is from "Parents Raising Godly Children".

It's more valuable than a lifetime of your income.

It's more important than your position in the company.

It's desired by ALL children/grandchildren.

Your children/grandchildren crave it from YOU more than anything.

Parents many times withhold it from their children.

Your children will grow up and still need it.

It's a gift that's priceless...

Your TIME.

Leave a legacy!

This next one is from "MAPD: Making a Positive Difference".  Both are "pages" on Facebook that post good and positive things.

***We tend to fuel the unnecessary fire of others with our reactions to their drama.

Someone comes to us complaining, and we hop right on the bandwagon! Someone is spreading gossip and we are just all ears to hear. A person begins to trash another's idea and we join in!

They are looking for a reaction...and we're giving it to them. We're letting them know, through our reaction, that it is okay for them to show such behavior. And then WE get disturbed at their drama.

Instead, try "no reaction." You don't have to walk away in the middle of the conversation, but just simple don't respond. THEN excuse yourself from the conversation.

Hard thing to do, but the NECESSARY thing to do if you want to do YOUR part.***

And finally, I was searching for a quote about 'criticism' to encourage a teenage friend, when I came across this really good quote by Charles Stanley:

Too many Christians have a commitment of convenience. They'll stay faithful as long as it's safe and doesn't involve risk, rejection, or criticism. Instead of standing alone in the face of challenge or temptation, they check to see which way their friends are going. 

Parents Be Aware: The Problem with Snap Chat

Technology has opened up so many new windows of opportunities to do things.  Even by this blog I have met so many wonderful people all around the country!  Last week a young lady from New York wrote about some decorations I had shown in a post.  Now I am going to be helping her decorate for her wedding by sending her the decorations!  How neat is that!  

But with the good, there is some bad, and we must be aware of the bad.  Not to dwell on it, but to protect ourselves and our families.  Specifically, our children need us to be actively involved in guiding them to make good choices.

A popular thing with youth today is sending pictures of themselves to others.  That may be okay to some degree (though personally I believe that anyone who takes multiple pictures of themselves and posts them or sends them has a self image problem that needs to be addressed), but a new app called SnapChat that is popular among teens is one that is being used for "sexting". Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobil phones.  It has been popular for quite some time and can be used on other social media, as well (Facebook, Instagram, etc.), but the difference with this app is that the picture is not stored on the sender's phone or the receivers phone.  It disappears.  So people can send the picture and not worry whether it will be saved and used in another way.  Parents won't see it or even find out.  Other kids won't see it, though the kids can tell about it.  There's no proof that it was sent or received.  It's a big problem in our world today.

Below is a link for a great article about this app, from a Christian perspective.  Of course, just because someone has the app doesn't mean they are using it in the way mentioned.  It's not the app itself that's bad.  It's just being used in that way.  

Take the time to look at the link, because it's more prevalent than you might think.  Parents and grandparents - be aware!  Something that may not seem like a big deal to some of our youth is actually a very big deal.  Studies have shown that once a young person sees pornography type pictures - it will be etched in their minds for a long, long time....perhaps forever.  This can (obviously) cause problems for the rest of a young person's - or older person's life.  It can cause problems with careers. It can cause serious relationship problems.  It can cause addictions that are not easily overcome.  It's a really big deal.  Don't brush it off.

http://www.radicallychristian.com/what-is-this-snapchat-app

 Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. ¹⁴ Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.

Romans 13:13-14

"TURN THE HEARTS OF THE PARENTS TO THEIR CHILDREN"

 Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right side of the altar of incense. ¹² When Zechariah saw him, he was startled and was gripped with fear. ¹³ But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to call him John. ¹⁴ He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, ¹⁵ for he will be great in the sight of the Lord. He is never to take wine or other fermented drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit even before he is born. ¹⁶ He will bring back many of the people of Israel to the Lord their God. ¹⁷ And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the parents to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.”

Luke 1:11-17

This morning I was reading the passage above as I have many times before, but this time the enlarged phrase stuck in my mind:  "To turn the hearts of the parents to their children".  The angel of the Lord, Gabriel, came to Zechariah and told him that he and his wife were going to have a son.  They were to name him John, and he would go before the Lord in the spirit and power of the prophet Elijah.  His mission was to turn the hearts of the parents to their children and also to turn the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous.  He was to prepare the people for the Lord's coming.

We know that the world is filled with unrighteousness.  It was then, and it still is now.  We know Satan is at work trying to get people on his side.  But doesn't it seems strange that this verse says the part about turning the hearts of parents to their children?  Isn't it odd that there was even a problem with parenting in those days?

Years before, the prophet Elijah was sent to help with parenting problems.  Malachi has almost the same message in chapter four, verses 5 and 6, although this time it not only mentions the parenting problem, but also the disobedience of the children:

⁵ “See, I will send the prophet Elijah to you before that great and dreadful day of the Lord comes. ⁶ He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; or else I will come and strike the land with total destruction.”

Malachi 4:5-6

I'm not a perfect parent.  My husband isn't a perfect parent.  Our children aren't perfect.  But, they are not disobedient.  They are not habitually disobedient. They may disobey at times, but for the most part, they want to obey us because they love us - and know we love them.  They also know that because we love them, we will discipline them when they do wrong.

Why is it that parents' hearts would need to be turned back to their children?  Why would that even be an issue in Zechariah's day or in our day?  There are several reasons to examine.  Time.  Work. Hobbies. Activities.  Responsibilities.  Goals.  Pride.  Communication. Respect. We could look at many, many different areas, but in reality, all of these areas go directly to one area:  SELFISHNESS.  Selfishness is the root of all of the other problems.  

SELFISHNESS

Many parents are selfish.  They want "ME" time.  It is less about what needs to be done for their spouse and their children and more about what needs to be done for "ME".  Do you notice as you read the Bible that the people didn't talk about "getting time for myself"?  Do you notice that Jesus didn't go off alone for himself, but to talk to His Father?  If that is the time away we need, that's wonderful.  Because then it is about HIM - GOD, and not about "ME".  We do need time alone with God, and as parents, that alone time may be hard to find.  But don't we find time to do the things we want to do?  Don't we find time for TV, movies, hobbies, exercise, shopping, etc.?  Yes, we find time for what we want to do.  

Turning our hearts to our children will not be excluding them in our day to day lives.  It will be using every opportunity available to teach them and nurture them - in the LORD - not about things in the world.  Turning our hearts to our children will not be making them participate in activities to boost our own egos and to receive accolades from others about things of this world, but to teach them about God, and Jesus, and the church He died for.  It will be showing them a faithful Christian life of service to God.  It will be leading by example.....worshipping together as a family on Sundays and Wednesdays.  It will not be forsaking the assembling of the saints - of the Christian family of God that will help be an example to the children.

So, what if we examine our lives as see that we have become selfish?  What if we realize that our hearts aren't turned to our children, but turned to ourselves - to our own wants and desires?  What should we do?  We need to stop.  We need to stop being selfish.  But how?  The simple answer is to stop thinking about "ME".  Any time something comes up, we must stop thinking about how something will affect "ME".  "ME" can no longer matter.  It becomes about "YOU".  What is best for "YOU".  What is best for "OTHERS".  What is best for the children.  Ultimately, what is best for God.

Maybe we're used to being away from our children all day long.  Our society has a problem with pawning our children off on others.  We expect other people to raise our children:  teachers, babysitters, daycare workers, coaches, youth ministers, grandparents, older siblings, friends, etc.  We want (and maybe even expect) someone else to raise our children for us while we just enjoy the "good" parts....the fun and easy parts of parenting.  The thought process is something like this:  "Someone else can do the dirty work, but I'll take the glory. If there's a problem, I'll have someone else to blame.  It's not my fault."  And that's what is wrong in our society, and must have been wrong in Zechariah's society as well.

No one can change your heart for you.  God can help you and He will, but you have to want to change.  You have to want your heart to turn back to your children.....or to your spouse.  It won't happen without your consent.  Satan will try his best to keep it from happening.

When parents turn their hearts to their children and teach their children about what is really and truly important, amazing things can happen.  The family will be stronger.  Relationships will be stronger.  Love will be evident.  Your family will not be perfect, but it will be stable.  Children will feel secure.  You may have less time for "ME", but you'll feel more fulfilled.  You'll see that life is about more than just you.  You'll see that true joy is found in serving others.  You'll know that you're doing the most important thing - teaching your children about God, Jesus, and His Church.  You'll be doing what God wants you to do and there is nothing better than doing His Will.

 Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. ³⁵ For whoever wants to save his life^[c] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. ³⁶ What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? ³⁷ Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?³⁸ If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels.”

Mark 8:34-38