Loving....Correcting....Instructing

"What you allow, you encourage." ~Michael Josephson

Whether you're raising children, educating children, or trying to make a positive difference in yourself or your workplace, you want to set an example. When we turn a blind eye to the little things that are on the verge of right/wrong, we allow that behavior to keep happening. "Oh, they're just a kid...and kids will be kids..", "Oh that's just that person's personality, they didn't really mean it...," "Oh, they're just having a bad day...". And "Boys will be boys?" No way! Not if parents teach their boys to become men! And girls can be ladies and it's not a bad thing! God made each gender to be unique, special, and able to do things and feel things and accomplish things that the other gender wasn't made by Him to do. We were each uniquely made by God for a purpose - His purpose.

When we allow things that are wrong, we become part of the problem and not the solution.

Take time to lovingly correct your children, your students...stand up for yourself (in kindness) when someone offends you. But be KIND. Be LOVING. Be understanding, but teach and instruct and don't neglect to do so.

If no one tells them something is wrong, how will they ever know?

Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it. 

Proverbs 22:6

"I'm Sorry"...A Huge Milestone

Recently one of my children had to be punished for something.  (For those who know me, it's easy to figure out that two are "punishable" age and two are not! Ha ha!)  The "crime" made me more sad than mad because of what this child had done. It may have been something they thought would just be fun and okay, but in reality, the child should have known better....and did know better.

I explained how I felt about what this child had done.  My husband set the punishment, which resulted in something being taken away for several days.  I really wanted this child to say two simple words (or three without it being a contraction :) ).  I wanted them to say, "I'm sorry."  But I've never made our children say I'm sorry.  I wanted them to say it without being forced, but with honesty and sincerity.  One of my children say it soon....as soon as they've done something.  Another one is quick with apologies, as well.  But the other two?  Well.....I'll just say it doesn't come easy for them to admit they are wrong in that area.  Of course, children aren't the only ones who have trouble with that phrase. Many adults can't say it, either.

So, I'll admit I was a little bit disappointed that "I'm sorry" didn't come.  But then it did come!  A few hours later this child came to me and said they were sorry!!!  I was so excited and told them that was the best thing they could have done.  The child knew it and said, "It's the hardest thing."  A HUGE MILESTONE.

Saying sorry comes easier for some than others, but it's important for us to say, "I'm sorry".  It clears the air. It makes things okay again.  Of course, saying, "I'm sorry" only works if the person apologizing actually changes.  It will not work if "I'm sorry" is sad over and over and over just trying to cover the "offense".  Saying I'm sorry is only sincere if there is a true desire and effort to change.  It is not repeating the same offense over and over again.

This makes me think of repentance and our relationship with God.  Sin seperates us from God.  Repentance brings us back to Him.  We can't continue in sin as Christians and expect His grace to just cover everything without doing our part.  Walking in the light means striving to live a life of holiness.   When we mess up, we must confess that sin and ask Him for repentance.  He will forgive us, but He wants us to acknowledge our mistakes.  And we will forget.  There will be times we won't realize we have sinned or we won't remember every wrong.  His grace is sufficient.  Praise Him for that!

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Romans 6:1-2

Saying, "I'm sorry".  It is a huge milestone.  Have you attained it?  Can you say it?  Who needs to hear it from you?

...yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 2 Corinthians 7:9-10

CALL IT BOTH WAYS!

CALL IT BOTH WAYS!

It doesn't take long into a basketball season before you hear that familiar phrase. In fact, maybe you're even the one saying it! But maybe, like us, we're just the ones hearing it. Really hearing it. And it was directed towards my husband! And I didn't like it! At all!

This week was our annual elementary tournament. Several teams come to our large gym, they turn the court into two smaller courts with side goals that come down. The referees are locals - like my husband, brother-in-law, a few teachers, and a few high school basketball players. Strictly volunteers. No pay, just glad to help out the local school and visiting schools.

It didn't take long before fans (and coaches) were yelling about the calls they did make or they didn't make. They were even talked about on a small town radio station! Now before you think they really were that bad, consider that these kids are 5th and 6th graders, maybe some 4th graders. Many, if not most of them, have never played much basketball before and they're still learning the game. They're learning to dribble, to pass, to guard, to shoot, to be in the right places at the right times. And for many, at least in our town, they just finished football and went to basketball maybe two weeks ago. Not very long for practicing in their short gym period and with so many students.

Here are a few things we heard, and mine and my husband's thoughts about them afterwards:

1. Call it both ways!
What the fan really means is call it MY way. If the calls were all in his/her favor, he/she wouldn't be yelling!

2. They're walking! They're fouling! They're doing.......whatever!
Yes, they are some times. Both teams are. Look really closely and you'll notice. But, they did call it when it was bad...just not the occasional.

3. You need to call everything!!
Really? There were two teams playing at a time, starting at 4:00 and ending about 8:00. If EVERYTHING was called, it wouldn't have been over until midnight. Really. Again, what the fan means is call everything on THEM.

4. Didn't you see that?
No. Probably not. You are a ways from the action and usually up in the stands, so it's easier for you to see it than it is for a ref who can't look at everything. He/She must look at the play/action where the ball is. One of them may be back a ways, but then the offense may be blocked from their view.

5. Come on, REF!
You know what? If you really feel like the refs are that bad, why don't you become a ref yourself and make the system better! This more for paid/professional refs, of course....not the volunteers at an elementary tournament.

If you're a fan, please open your eyes to TRULY see everything that is going on. Don't look only at the other teams' offenses, but at your own. Open your mind, as well. And maybe, for once, don't open your mouth! Ha! Ha! Remember, little ones are listening to you. They're watching your example. When you yell rude things, they'll learn to do the same. And sometimes it isn't just parents, it's grandparents!

And remember, little Johnny may not grow up to be the greatest basketball player in the world. But if he's your son/daughter, grandson/granddaughter, the most important thing you can do is to be there. Even if they only sit on the bench.

Ready or Not?

This morning I read a few scriptures before deciding what to write about, but everything I read seemed like a longer type of post material that I didn't have time for today.  So, I glanced through Facebook and  found a status that became my inspiration.  This post seems like it should be on our parenting blog:  "Parents After God's Own Heart".  Perhaps I'll put it there tomorrow!

The status began like this:  "From what I've read on my newsfeed, I'm pretty sure I'm the only mom not ready for school to start."  I immediately wrote and said, "I'm right there with you!"  In fact, I'm a mom that's never ready for school to start.  Truthfully, the only thing I look forward to each year is the extra-curricular activities!  I appreciate the learning that goes on, and of course appreciate the teachers that facilitate that learning, but I would rather my children be home with me.  Once it's starts, after a week or two, I'm supportive all the way.  It just takes me a while :).

Yes, I could have home schooled and have thought about it over and over, but we felt like in our small community, it was best for our children to be in public school. They can be a Christian example to those around them, and have been.  My husband works at a children's home, so we felt like it was only right for our children to be where they were.  Also, in our area, there is no home-school group that could provide group athletics and extra curricular activities for them to be involved to that degree.

So back to the "ready or  not" for school.  I love my kids and love being around them! I want them with me as much as possible because some day soon they'll all be gone.  In reality, we don't have a long time with our children, so as long as they are here, I want to spend lots of time with them.

I understand that if both parents work, it can be a hardship in the summer to find daycare, etc., for them.  I had that same problem when my first three were little and I worked three days a week.  That's one reason why I quit, even though financially we weren't sure we could do it.  But, it wasn't worth the headache of working all of that out some times.  But, you know what I found?  I loved being a stay-at-home mom!  In fact, I think it is the greatest job on earth!

Everyone has their reasons for wanting school to start, and some of those reasons are totally legitimate.  To me, though, the ones that are sad are when it is because of selfishness of the parents.  Here are a few "selfish" reasons I've seen or heard:

I need more time for myself.
My kids are unruly.
The house is messier with my children here.
I can't relax.
They drive me crazy.
And I could go on and on......

But, do you see the common issue in each of those statements?  In each one, the parent is more  concerned about themselves than they are about the children.  It's really sad.  And it's even sadder if moms are letting their children hear that they don't want them at home - that they would rather them be gone.  How do children feel when they hear those statement?  I know my children have heard those statements and have even felt bad for other children because of it.  Many times they've felt bad hearing it.

Moms, when you became a mom - at that instant - your child became your God-given responsibility. There's no debating it.  That child is yours to raise and love and nurture.  Please don't wish the time away with your child.  They'll be gone before you know it!

Ready or not?  I'll never be ready. But, sadly, next week....I must be willing.

A New Venture: Parents After God's Own Heart

My husband and I would like to announce a new venture....a new ministry, actually.....that we began a few days ago.  We've started a new website/blog and Facebook group called, "Parents After God's Own Heart".  This is something we've discussed and thought about off and on for a few years, but weren't sure if the time was right for our family.  However, since our daughter just graduated from high school and is "raised" for the most part, and the youngest will be in his final year of elementary school in the fall, it seemed like the right time to do it.  We've got some experience under our belts, but are still in the parenting process enough to know what's going on in today's world.  Not newbies and not old fogies, I guess (maybe?? :) )

We covet your prayers as we begin this new ministry.  It is our prayer that God will always be glorified in everything we say and do. We're not sure where God will decide to grow this ministry.  We'll leave it up to Him. Eventually we've thought about the possibility of parenting workshops, and maybe even a book or two, but, we're not planning too much.  God will lead, and we're not going to get too busy in that stuff while we're still in the parenting phase, itself.  We've got three boys to finish raising!  They need us and that is our most important priority.

If you would like to visit the website, it is located at www.parentsaftergodsownheart.com.

The Facebook group link is at this address: https://www.facebook.com/ParentsAfterGodsOwnHeart