There's a situation in a pre-teen's life I (Lori) like to call the 11-year-old-itch. It's a tough age for several reasons. A child is no longer a baby, but not yet a "teen". It's hard to grow up a little, not needing mom or dad as much, but still needing them quite a bit. Also, I believe, children begin comparing themselves to others more, may be more influenced by peer pressure, and, as a young Christian pre-teen, they are tempted by all sorts of things that can keep them from going down the straight and narrow path that leads to eternal life. Satan is just as busy in the life of a pre-teen as he is in an adult's life! He wants all of God's children to fail!
Our youngest, Biscuit, is in that 11-year-old-itch time of life. He's been anticipating the beginning of the summer golf tour all spring. Today was the first day! We were up at 4:30 a.m., and left the house at 5:30 SHARP (per his insistence) to get to the course at 7:00 a.m., and not a minute later. And we made it, with six minutes to spare! 6:54 a.m.!
Biscuit was warned last week, this week, and this morning, that he had to have a good attitude no matter what happened today. And he knew I expected him to comply! His older sister served as his caddie for the day. She tried to encourage him, too!
Hole #1 started off okay (except for the fact that one of the tires ran off a bent rim on the pull cart!), but not until 9:30 a.m., so he had waited around quite a while. The "junior high" (how is Biscuit even in that division?!) was last to begin. And, I'm sure that Biscuit hasn't been on a good sleeping schedule since school has been out, so I know he was tired, but that's no excuse. He played poorly from the beginning. He was disappointed, but after one small visible disgust with his game, I reminded him of the attitude agreement. I told him that he wouldn't get another warning, but if I saw anything that seemed like he was angry, he would have to withdraw. There were 11 players in his age group, so he would be considered last (or worse, I suppose).
He held it together, plugged on for the remaining holes of the first nine, even finally getting one par on hole #7. Winning in the top three of each tournament in the tour last year, I know this was hard. He wanted to be in the top five. It wasn't going to come easy! I was thinking that he would turn it around during the second nine, and encouraged him that it possible could.
Unfortunately, the second nine didn't start any better. And on hole #12, I saw him hit his club to the ground. That was it! He had been warned. He had to withdraw. I knew it was what was best, and that in the long run, he would be learning a big lesson. But times like that are hard. It's hard to follow through, but that's when the lesson is learned. If I had given in, I would have been saying that his attitude was okay. It wasn't okay. It was wrong. And he knew it.
I made Biscuit tell the other players and parents he had to withdraw. Since three other boys were in his group, and it wasn't part of a team, it wasn't hurting anyone else. In fact, it probably sped up their game a little! He also had to tell the man in charge of the junior golf association. I know he didn't like having to do that, but that's okay. He needed to.
I'll never forget what he told the man: "I need to withdraw due to mental issues." I didn't laugh at the time, but just kind of nodded as the man glanced my way. I think he could tell Tyler was in trouble! As we walked off, I said, "It's attitude more than mental, but yes, it began as mental." Golf is very mental. And hard! I've laughed thinking about it, and someday I'll share this with Biscuit. He'll laugh, too!
Even though I was disappointed that Biscuit didn't keep his attitude controlled on his own - or with the help of God's Spirit - I wasn't mad and angry at him...just his actions. We drove through and got him some lunch, even though he had just wolfed down a sandwich a few holes earlier. We stopped for a few groceries, and he was asleep before we left town. He slept the whole way home - so about an hour and a half.
Yesterday I began reading the book of James to the kids. I picked out James 1:2-3 as the scripture for the week: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." We talked about that scripture as we drove off from the course, and how this trial would cause Biscuit to grow, even if he didn't realize it at the moment.
This afternoon, we began the second part of James chapter one. It began, "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." Biscuit quickly said, "Mom! You directed that right at me!" I said, "Tyler, no I didn't! Did I write these scriptures? Did I plan this passage for today? God inspired these writings 2,000 years ago! God just works that way sometimes. He plans out just what we need to hear at just the right time." And you know what? Tomorrow's scriptures may be pointed right to me!
I'm thinking that next week's golf outing will go much differently. I'm pretty sure that we're going to have a stricter bedtime for this 11 year old, even if it's summer. I know that the "no sugar" for a week is going to make a big point in his life, too! It always does. And it doesn't hurt any of us to cut back on sugar. In fact, several of us already are doing so. But, maybe next week, if the temptation to let the disappointment of a missed shot tries to get from the inside to the outside and be visible, Biscuit will allow the Holy Spirit to calm him and help control that bad attitude. Maybe those scriptures will come to mind. And maybe we'll be just a little closer to getting out of that 11-year-old-itch!
Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts
Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Ouch! That hurt!
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? 8 If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spiritsand live! 10 They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:7-11
Watching "The Bible" mini series on TV the past month or so showed the disciples being persecuted in many ways. Our youngest son, Tyler, was especially interested in the stoning of Stephen. "Why was he stoned?", he asked. "Why did they show his eyes shining?"
Stephen was stoned for his message - a message that began with Abraham and went all the way through to the crucifixion of Jesus. Stephen said:
You stiff-necked people! Your hearts and ears are still uncircumcised. You are just like your ancestors: You always resist the Holy Spirit! 52 Was there ever a prophet your ancestors did not persecute? They even killed those who predicted the coming of the Righteous One. And now you have betrayed and murdered him— 53 you who have received the law that was given through angels but have not obeyed it.” Acts 7:51-53
The members of the Sanhedrin had heard enough. They were furious at Stephen and began to stone him. In my opinion, "The Bible" didn't show Stephen's face "shining", but they did make his eyes appear to be shining - that is what Tyler noticed. The Bible says that Stephen was filled with the Holy Spirit. He saw heaven. He saw Jesus standing at the right hand of God.
Stephen died that day - persecuted for telling the people about Jesus - the truth about Jesus. He pointed out their sin and they didn't like it.
Have you ever been persecuted for being a Christian? When you read the top scripture, you will see that it says we should endure hardship. It goes so far to say that if we do not endure hardship, we are not legitimate - not true sons and daughters of God. Perhaps if we are not enduring hardship, we are not making a bold enough stand for Christ! Maybe we're staying silent too often. Maybe we're just going along with the crowd....or the world.
Suffering, it says, produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. I want righteousness and peace, don't you? Does it seem strange that the Bible says that suffering produces those things? It's not really the way we like to think about becoming righteous and having peace, but it is part of God's plan...so we must have faith in those words.
What are you standing up for today? In what ways can you be bold for Christ? Allow God to discipline you as His child. Allow Him to work in your life - to produce righteousness and peace.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Diary of a Wimpy Parent
Imagine this:
You're a coach for a little league team. You have a message from one of your players' moms saying this: I'm sorry. Bobby won't be at the game tonight. He got in trouble earlier today and now he's just not motivated to go. I told him the team was counting on him, but I just can't get him motivated.
Straight from the pages of a "Diary of a Wimpy Parent", don't you think? Actually it's a true story. I know....it's sad, isn't it? Yes....it's true. It really happened just last week. The coach is my husband and the kid is a player on his team. And, guess what? It was not only game day, but it was also team picture day!
When my husband told me this story, my response was, "I'll tell her how to motivate him!". And I would. But most likely, she wouldn't take my advice.....so I'll just tell you! (hee hee!)
Honestly, the thought that there are really parents that are unable to "motivate" their little 9 or 10 year old son to do something is just not something I can comprehend. I mean....you're the PARENT! You're THE parent! YOU'RE the parent! What more can I say? Plenty, actually!
Of course, discipline would have needed to start before this episode and I'm thankful that the parent did say little Bobby actually got in trouble earlier in the day, but he's part of a team. Letting him off the hook by not showing up for a game (unless there is another reason that is understandable, of course!) just because he's not motivated is just giving in to him and making the parent's job even harder the next time he does something wrong. He won this battle.....and will win many more.
There will be many more battles in this families life, for sure. And most likely the boy will always win. But there's another side to the problem. The side of the team. He let down his teammates. It doesn't matter if he's a key player or not a key player, he had an obligation and a commitment and he failed to do his job. And the parent failed to do hers.
Again, there may be something that keeps a child from playing a game. That's totally understandable. For example, we would never put a ballgame above worshipping God. Thankfully, we've only had a few times that has come up. We're blessed where we live that Sundays and Wednesdays are left free from games. I pray it stays that way! Also, we would never make a child play if they were sick. There are other reasons....but not just become they're "unmotivated".
Parents, if you struggle with being "wimpy" or anything else, please take the time to read a book called iY Generation by Tim Elmore. I've not actually read the book, but I have used sermon notes of my brother-in-law about the book in some ladies' talks (Ladies' Night Out and Ladies' Days) in the past. It is really, really good and gives some great points for parents. The "wimpy" parent as he describes them as the "bullied parent" who is beaten down, exhausted, and drained emotionally. This parent just finds it easier to give in to little Bobby than it is to deal with the problem.....which just creates even more problems.
God has given us, as parents a job. It is our God-given responsibility and obligation to raise our children to be Christian young men and women who are also good citizens and good servants in His kingdom. We should raise them, to the best of our ability to be good employees, good friends to others, responsible and trustworthy, and able to understand what it means to make a commitment. After all....isn't that the example that Jesus showed to each of us?
We won't be perfect parents. We'll make mistakes. But, let's not let a mistake be that we allowed our children to be the boss of the home or that we never disciplined them or told them no....or in this case YES...you are playing that game! That would be a tragedy.
You're a coach for a little league team. You have a message from one of your players' moms saying this: I'm sorry. Bobby won't be at the game tonight. He got in trouble earlier today and now he's just not motivated to go. I told him the team was counting on him, but I just can't get him motivated.
Straight from the pages of a "Diary of a Wimpy Parent", don't you think? Actually it's a true story. I know....it's sad, isn't it? Yes....it's true. It really happened just last week. The coach is my husband and the kid is a player on his team. And, guess what? It was not only game day, but it was also team picture day!
When my husband told me this story, my response was, "I'll tell her how to motivate him!". And I would. But most likely, she wouldn't take my advice.....so I'll just tell you! (hee hee!)
Honestly, the thought that there are really parents that are unable to "motivate" their little 9 or 10 year old son to do something is just not something I can comprehend. I mean....you're the PARENT! You're THE parent! YOU'RE the parent! What more can I say? Plenty, actually!
Of course, discipline would have needed to start before this episode and I'm thankful that the parent did say little Bobby actually got in trouble earlier in the day, but he's part of a team. Letting him off the hook by not showing up for a game (unless there is another reason that is understandable, of course!) just because he's not motivated is just giving in to him and making the parent's job even harder the next time he does something wrong. He won this battle.....and will win many more.
There will be many more battles in this families life, for sure. And most likely the boy will always win. But there's another side to the problem. The side of the team. He let down his teammates. It doesn't matter if he's a key player or not a key player, he had an obligation and a commitment and he failed to do his job. And the parent failed to do hers.
Again, there may be something that keeps a child from playing a game. That's totally understandable. For example, we would never put a ballgame above worshipping God. Thankfully, we've only had a few times that has come up. We're blessed where we live that Sundays and Wednesdays are left free from games. I pray it stays that way! Also, we would never make a child play if they were sick. There are other reasons....but not just become they're "unmotivated".
Parents, if you struggle with being "wimpy" or anything else, please take the time to read a book called iY Generation by Tim Elmore. I've not actually read the book, but I have used sermon notes of my brother-in-law about the book in some ladies' talks (Ladies' Night Out and Ladies' Days) in the past. It is really, really good and gives some great points for parents. The "wimpy" parent as he describes them as the "bullied parent" who is beaten down, exhausted, and drained emotionally. This parent just finds it easier to give in to little Bobby than it is to deal with the problem.....which just creates even more problems.
God has given us, as parents a job. It is our God-given responsibility and obligation to raise our children to be Christian young men and women who are also good citizens and good servants in His kingdom. We should raise them, to the best of our ability to be good employees, good friends to others, responsible and trustworthy, and able to understand what it means to make a commitment. After all....isn't that the example that Jesus showed to each of us?
We won't be perfect parents. We'll make mistakes. But, let's not let a mistake be that we allowed our children to be the boss of the home or that we never disciplined them or told them no....or in this case YES...you are playing that game! That would be a tragedy.
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
Proverbs 13:24
Thursday, June 16, 2011
His Father Never Interfered
Several weeks ago in a women's Bible study, we were reading 1 Kings 1:1. The chapter deals with King David and his family. Something struck me as odd in verse six, "(His father had never interfered with him by asking, “Why do you behave as you do?” He was also very handsome and was born next after Absalom.)". The verse in the 1984 New International Version has this verse in parentheses.
This whole passage is about King David being old and how a young woman was brought in to help care for him. One of his sons, Adonijah, decided he wanted to be king, even though his father was still alive, and immediately took on the role of king. (It appears to be that he wanted to be king because of the young women, but it's not actually said. Chapter 2 tells more about the woman.) Verse six is put in right after Adonijah takes on that role - the verse is inserted in there by the author (inspired by God, of course) to imply that his father, David, didn't ever question Adonijah about his behavior. He most likely never rebuked him for his behavior, either, and now that failure to discipline has backfired.
What Adonijah didn't realize is that his (half) brother, Solomon was to be the king. That was God's plan. Later on, in chapter 2, Solomon's mother, Bathsheba, asks the new king for a special favor for her (step) son, Adonijah. She asks that the young woman, Abishag, be given to Adonijah as a wife. This makes Solomon very angry and he had Adonijah killed that very day!
This story was interesting to me. Even though King David was a man after God's own heart, he suffered many terrible consequences in his life because of his own sin and the sins of his children which he refused to address. (II Samuel 13:21 and 14:33) Why does it seem that David refused to become involved in his child's discipline? Maybe David felt he had other more important things to do. Maybe he felt the king shouldn't have to address problems with children. Maybe he left all of the discipline to his wives?
Oftentimes in today's world, parents 'never interfer' with their children. They never ask them, "Why are you acting that way?" or "What are you doing?". Too many parents allow the children to make the rules and set the boundaries with little or no consequences.
Parents - both fathers and mothers - we have a God-given responsibility and obligation to teach, train, and yes, discipline, our children.
Children don't need parents who want to be friends to their children. They don't need parents who act immature like their peers do. They need positive role models who discipline with love. They need parents who will set limits and discipline in love and because they want the best for their children.
Children need parents who have high expectations for them. Not unreachable, outlandish expectations, but expectations of goals in life and expectations of their moral character.
Children need parents who are spiritual giants, whose faith never wavers, who puts their faith in the Lord and who have given their lives to Him.
Children need parents who are walking in the example of Jesus and who "Shine Like Stars" for him each and every day.
Children need parents who interfere.
This whole passage is about King David being old and how a young woman was brought in to help care for him. One of his sons, Adonijah, decided he wanted to be king, even though his father was still alive, and immediately took on the role of king. (It appears to be that he wanted to be king because of the young women, but it's not actually said. Chapter 2 tells more about the woman.) Verse six is put in right after Adonijah takes on that role - the verse is inserted in there by the author (inspired by God, of course) to imply that his father, David, didn't ever question Adonijah about his behavior. He most likely never rebuked him for his behavior, either, and now that failure to discipline has backfired.
What Adonijah didn't realize is that his (half) brother, Solomon was to be the king. That was God's plan. Later on, in chapter 2, Solomon's mother, Bathsheba, asks the new king for a special favor for her (step) son, Adonijah. She asks that the young woman, Abishag, be given to Adonijah as a wife. This makes Solomon very angry and he had Adonijah killed that very day!
This story was interesting to me. Even though King David was a man after God's own heart, he suffered many terrible consequences in his life because of his own sin and the sins of his children which he refused to address. (II Samuel 13:21 and 14:33) Why does it seem that David refused to become involved in his child's discipline? Maybe David felt he had other more important things to do. Maybe he felt the king shouldn't have to address problems with children. Maybe he left all of the discipline to his wives?
Oftentimes in today's world, parents 'never interfer' with their children. They never ask them, "Why are you acting that way?" or "What are you doing?". Too many parents allow the children to make the rules and set the boundaries with little or no consequences.
Parents - both fathers and mothers - we have a God-given responsibility and obligation to teach, train, and yes, discipline, our children.
Children don't need parents who want to be friends to their children. They don't need parents who act immature like their peers do. They need positive role models who discipline with love. They need parents who will set limits and discipline in love and because they want the best for their children.
Children need parents who have high expectations for them. Not unreachable, outlandish expectations, but expectations of goals in life and expectations of their moral character.
Children need parents who are spiritual giants, whose faith never wavers, who puts their faith in the Lord and who have given their lives to Him.
Children need parents who are walking in the example of Jesus and who "Shine Like Stars" for him each and every day.
Children need parents who interfere.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Ephesians 6:1 (NIV 1984)
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4 (NLT)
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Sticky Situations
Many years ago, when one of our children (to save this particular child embarrassment, I'm keeping this one unnamed!) was little, we stopped by Sonic (for those that know me well, imagine that!! :) Anyway, as I looked in my passenger side mirror checking on the children, this unnamed child was picking their nose and then putting their finger in their mouth. GROSS!
I quickly blurted out, "Don't do that! It will make you sick!"
To which the child replied, "It didn't when I did it last week!"
Now you tell me - what would you have said in response to that???!! I don't really recall what I said because the reply shocked my husband and I so much! We were both trying not to laugh, but I'm pretty sure I explained to my child that germs can sometimes make you sick and that sometimes they don't, but that it was still yucky, anyway.
I thought about discipline in a different way after that episode. Sometimes we blurt out demands or consequences, but we don't really think about what we're saying. Could that have made the child sick? Sure it could, but it isn't definitely going to make them sick. If so, I think toddlers might constantly be sick all over the world!
Another time I put one of our children (our first child - our only daughter) on the "naughty chair". She was little and I thought maybe I'd trying this time out stuff and just see how it worked. Well, it didn't. When my husband got home, I told our daughter to tell her daddy what she had done. Instead of telling him about her disobedience, she blurted out with great excitement, "Daddy, I got to sit on the naughty chair!!!" Her excitement proved to me, early on, that time out didn't work for discipline. I'm still convinced it doesn't, but maybe it has with some so you might disagree.
These episodes taught me a few lessons about discipline:
1. Discipline has to be fair.
The punishment should fit the "crime". As a parent, it's easy to let our emotions get out of control and over or under punish. Neither extreme is good for the child - or for the parent.
2. Discipline has to be used as a teaching moment.
The word discipline means to train. As a parent, that is your God-given job and obligation. It is your responsibility to train your child in the right way. Part of that training is teaching them right from wrong and giving appropriate consequences for continuing to do wrong.
3. Discipline has to be consistent.
The worst thing a parent can do is to be inconsistent. Being inconsistent undermines all previous discipline and sets the child up to misbehave. Parenting is hard work, but it's a lot less hard when the discipline is consistent.
4. Discipline has to be done in love - always.
No matter how you choose to discipline your child/children, it must be done in love. Not disciplining a child, in my opinion, is just as much child neglect as not feeding them or clothing them. And, of course, over-disciplining them to the point of physically abusing them is the other extreme. Both extremes are harmful to the child.
5. Start discipline early.
This lesson was first told to me by my brother-in-law when we were expecting our first child. I remember that our first child was about 9 months old when she began trying to exercise her own "free will". From that moment on, discipline began, and she (at least up until this point!) has been an easy child to raise.
6. Realize that each child is unique.
Child #1 was mentioned above.
Child #2 has been even easier, but I think that's because he's a boy and his personality is pretty low key.
Child #3 came along and was a little bit different. He had a different temperament - a different personality. From age two until last year, he heard many, many, MANY talks about self control. Would you believe that this year - at age 12 - he rarely has to have those reminders from me? Would you believe that today he mentioned that he realizes that he has learned how to have self-control? He told me an example from today's P.E. class? That's great! I'm so proud of him and his hard work!
Child #4 is only 8, so I am not sure about him, yet, except that his discipline and personality has been even different. (You will know this if you read my "The Chronicles of Biscuit" posts, which are all about #4!!) Because #3 was harder to figure out, I think I was even harder on #4, but so far he's a pretty good, easy-going kid.
I quickly blurted out, "Don't do that! It will make you sick!"
To which the child replied, "It didn't when I did it last week!"
Now you tell me - what would you have said in response to that???!! I don't really recall what I said because the reply shocked my husband and I so much! We were both trying not to laugh, but I'm pretty sure I explained to my child that germs can sometimes make you sick and that sometimes they don't, but that it was still yucky, anyway.
I thought about discipline in a different way after that episode. Sometimes we blurt out demands or consequences, but we don't really think about what we're saying. Could that have made the child sick? Sure it could, but it isn't definitely going to make them sick. If so, I think toddlers might constantly be sick all over the world!
Another time I put one of our children (our first child - our only daughter) on the "naughty chair". She was little and I thought maybe I'd trying this time out stuff and just see how it worked. Well, it didn't. When my husband got home, I told our daughter to tell her daddy what she had done. Instead of telling him about her disobedience, she blurted out with great excitement, "Daddy, I got to sit on the naughty chair!!!" Her excitement proved to me, early on, that time out didn't work for discipline. I'm still convinced it doesn't, but maybe it has with some so you might disagree.
These episodes taught me a few lessons about discipline:
1. Discipline has to be fair.
The punishment should fit the "crime". As a parent, it's easy to let our emotions get out of control and over or under punish. Neither extreme is good for the child - or for the parent.
2. Discipline has to be used as a teaching moment.
The word discipline means to train. As a parent, that is your God-given job and obligation. It is your responsibility to train your child in the right way. Part of that training is teaching them right from wrong and giving appropriate consequences for continuing to do wrong.
3. Discipline has to be consistent.
The worst thing a parent can do is to be inconsistent. Being inconsistent undermines all previous discipline and sets the child up to misbehave. Parenting is hard work, but it's a lot less hard when the discipline is consistent.
4. Discipline has to be done in love - always.
No matter how you choose to discipline your child/children, it must be done in love. Not disciplining a child, in my opinion, is just as much child neglect as not feeding them or clothing them. And, of course, over-disciplining them to the point of physically abusing them is the other extreme. Both extremes are harmful to the child.
5. Start discipline early.
This lesson was first told to me by my brother-in-law when we were expecting our first child. I remember that our first child was about 9 months old when she began trying to exercise her own "free will". From that moment on, discipline began, and she (at least up until this point!) has been an easy child to raise.
6. Realize that each child is unique.
Child #1 was mentioned above.
Child #2 has been even easier, but I think that's because he's a boy and his personality is pretty low key.
Child #3 came along and was a little bit different. He had a different temperament - a different personality. From age two until last year, he heard many, many, MANY talks about self control. Would you believe that this year - at age 12 - he rarely has to have those reminders from me? Would you believe that today he mentioned that he realizes that he has learned how to have self-control? He told me an example from today's P.E. class? That's great! I'm so proud of him and his hard work!
Child #4 is only 8, so I am not sure about him, yet, except that his discipline and personality has been even different. (You will know this if you read my "The Chronicles of Biscuit" posts, which are all about #4!!) Because #3 was harder to figure out, I think I was even harder on #4, but so far he's a pretty good, easy-going kid.
Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
Proverbs 1:8
Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right.
Proverbs 20:11
Thursday, July 1, 2010
The Chronicles of Biscuit - Gum and Discipline
The Chronicles of Biscuit - Stories about our youngest son, Biscuit, who is 7 years old.
Yesterday Biscuit broke a gum-chewing rule. When spitting out their gum in the van, we've made a rule that our children must first wrap the gum in a tissue. This rule is to prevent the gum from getting stuck in the carpet, on the seat, or even in the little trash section we have in the van. Hot chewed gum is a recipe for disaster!
Well, just as I glanced in the mirror on the way home yesterday, I noticed Biscuit putting his gum in a piece of a plastic JCPenney sack. He was tearing the sack, had the gum stuck to it, but wasn't being successful getting it torn. There were clothes in the sack, too, so that was a big concern for me. I asked Biscuit what he was supposed to do with the gum, and why he was not doing what he was supposed to do. Of course, he didn't have a good answer because he wasn't doing the right thing. As punishment, I told Biscuit he couldn't have gum for a week. He understood.
Today we were again driving in the van. Biscuit said he wished he could have gum. Do you ever forget a punishment you've given? I do - quite often, actually!! But Biscuit remembered. In fact, he said that while visiting his sister at church camp the evening before, she had offered him a piece of gum. He told her that he was in trouble and that he couldn't have a piece.
I was so proud of Biscuit for telling his sister that he was in trouble and for him even remembering. I would have understood if he had forgotten (since I, myself had forgotten), but he didn't. I told Biscuit how great it was that he chose to do the right thing and didn't take the gum. I told him how proud I was of him for telling his sister about the punishment.
Sometimes we think we may not be getting through to our children when it comes to discipline. Sometimes it seems like it's not worth the effort - that it's easier to just give in, but in reality, it's not. Discipline is hard sometimes and many times it makes it harder on the parent than it is for the children, doesn't it? But, it's for their own good. It helps them learn self-control It helps teach them the difference between right and wrong.
Way to go, Biscuit! I love you and I am so proud of you. (In case you're wondering, though, Biscuit still isn't getting gum until next week. I want him to remember the rule and not break it again!) And, this time - I won't forget!
Yesterday Biscuit broke a gum-chewing rule. When spitting out their gum in the van, we've made a rule that our children must first wrap the gum in a tissue. This rule is to prevent the gum from getting stuck in the carpet, on the seat, or even in the little trash section we have in the van. Hot chewed gum is a recipe for disaster!
Well, just as I glanced in the mirror on the way home yesterday, I noticed Biscuit putting his gum in a piece of a plastic JCPenney sack. He was tearing the sack, had the gum stuck to it, but wasn't being successful getting it torn. There were clothes in the sack, too, so that was a big concern for me. I asked Biscuit what he was supposed to do with the gum, and why he was not doing what he was supposed to do. Of course, he didn't have a good answer because he wasn't doing the right thing. As punishment, I told Biscuit he couldn't have gum for a week. He understood.
Today we were again driving in the van. Biscuit said he wished he could have gum. Do you ever forget a punishment you've given? I do - quite often, actually!! But Biscuit remembered. In fact, he said that while visiting his sister at church camp the evening before, she had offered him a piece of gum. He told her that he was in trouble and that he couldn't have a piece.
I was so proud of Biscuit for telling his sister that he was in trouble and for him even remembering. I would have understood if he had forgotten (since I, myself had forgotten), but he didn't. I told Biscuit how great it was that he chose to do the right thing and didn't take the gum. I told him how proud I was of him for telling his sister about the punishment.
Sometimes we think we may not be getting through to our children when it comes to discipline. Sometimes it seems like it's not worth the effort - that it's easier to just give in, but in reality, it's not. Discipline is hard sometimes and many times it makes it harder on the parent than it is for the children, doesn't it? But, it's for their own good. It helps them learn self-control It helps teach them the difference between right and wrong.
Way to go, Biscuit! I love you and I am so proud of you. (In case you're wondering, though, Biscuit still isn't getting gum until next week. I want him to remember the rule and not break it again!) And, this time - I won't forget!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Discipline Those You Love
A friend posted the following quote on Facebook:
Parents, they're strict on you when you're little, and you don't understand why. But as you get older, you understand and you appreciate it. -Grant Hill
It was interesting because I was working on a "discipline" post at the time and had looked up several scriptures about discipline. When you read through these scriptures below, it is easy to see that God disciplines His children and He expects His children to discipline their OWN children.
Sometimes it is hard to discipline. Discipline causes the routine of life to be changed in some way, and because of that, it may make parents less willing to follow through with the punishment. But, just as Our Heavenly Father disciplines those who are His children, we MUST discipline our children. God expects us to do that because it's our job!
Discipline shows your children that you love them. Why? Because when you set boundaries, you are showing that you are protecing them. When you have rules, you are teaching them that you care about them and how they behave. Protection and care to a child translates into love to them....maybe not at that time, but later on - just like the quote above points out.
Don't be afraid to discipline those you love and who are in your care. God will bless you for it.
Parents, they're strict on you when you're little, and you don't understand why. But as you get older, you understand and you appreciate it. -Grant Hill
It was interesting because I was working on a "discipline" post at the time and had looked up several scriptures about discipline. When you read through these scriptures below, it is easy to see that God disciplines His children and He expects His children to discipline their OWN children.
Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you. Deuteronomy 8:5
My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke,
because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.
My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke,
because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.
Proverbs 3:11-12
He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray. Proverbs 10:17
Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.
He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray. Proverbs 10:17
Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.
Proverbs 12:1
I mentioned recently that our daughter got a cell phone. I teased her at the time and told her that I was glad she was getting a cell phone because it was something we could take away from her as punishment. She said, "That's mean mom" - in a teasing way. Before the cell phone, there really wasn't anything to take away. She doesn't watch much TV - doesn't have the time. She doesn't have friends over too often - also because of being so busy with extra-curricular school activities. There just wasn't any creative way to discipline her until the cell phone came into the picture.
Well, the other day, Lauren's attitude towards me caused her to get her cell phone taken away. I first talked to my husband about it, but we agreed that she would give it up for two days. I asked her to give me her phone and she asked why. I told her that it was because of her attitude a little while before. She gave me her phone. This afternoon the punishment time was over and I gave her back her phone. She was glad to get it back, especially since she was leaving soon for a school event. (Actually, we were glad, too!)
Sometimes it is hard to discipline. Discipline causes the routine of life to be changed in some way, and because of that, it may make parents less willing to follow through with the punishment. But, just as Our Heavenly Father disciplines those who are His children, we MUST discipline our children. God expects us to do that because it's our job!
Discipline shows your children that you love them. Why? Because when you set boundaries, you are showing that you are protecing them. When you have rules, you are teaching them that you care about them and how they behave. Protection and care to a child translates into love to them....maybe not at that time, but later on - just like the quote above points out.
And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons.
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons.
For what son is not disciplined by his father?
Hebrews 12:5-7
Don't be afraid to discipline those you love and who are in your care. God will bless you for it.
Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul
Proverbs 29:17
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Who's In Control - You or Your Child?
I subscribe to three magazines, yet rarely have/take the time to "read" through them - only glance through quickly some times. But, this weekend we're at a hotel for the Oklahoma State Fair goat show. It's a nice change of pace to get away, relax a little bit, plus there's no laundry, no dirty dishes, and not quite as much straightening to do (yes, I straighten the hotel room some. It would be a disaster if I didn't!).
Last night while reading through my Family Circle magazine, I was pleasantly surprised by the "Ask Rosalind" section. The following questions was asked: "My daughter is 13 and is texting every waking moment. When I make her turn off her phone she gets furious. Should I set limits anyway?" Now, I don't know if this was a "real" question from a reader or if the people working for the paper just make up questions that could be real, but the answer from Rosalind Wiseman showed that she is a "Wise wo-Man". Here's the main part of her answer: "I don't understand why this is so confusing for parents. She's 13. You are in control here. If she's not furious with you at least part of the day, then you're doing something wrong. Also, it's your money that pays for the phone." And then Rosalind talks about how certain companies can set usage controls and how she as a parent can, as well.
It was great to see Rosalind answer in a way that directly put the parent in control of the child, instead of vice-versa. The "child in charge" syndrome seems to be an epidemic in our culture today. And, unfortunately, many times the advice given by some counselors and columnists is to allow the children more control of their lives than they are capable of handling at that time.
Children and teens need guidance and direction, but the right kind of guidance and direction. The advice in Family Circle was great advice, but God gave this advice thousands of years ago in His Word - the Bible. The Bible teaches that children must obey their parents (as long as it does not go against God's commands). And parents must discipline their children. Of course, this verse does not mean to "beat" children as some have made it out to mean. But it is more than multiple warnings that never result in any form of discipline at all.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Ephesians 6:1
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Colossians 3:20
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. Proverbs 13:24
Last night while reading through my Family Circle magazine, I was pleasantly surprised by the "Ask Rosalind" section. The following questions was asked: "My daughter is 13 and is texting every waking moment. When I make her turn off her phone she gets furious. Should I set limits anyway?" Now, I don't know if this was a "real" question from a reader or if the people working for the paper just make up questions that could be real, but the answer from Rosalind Wiseman showed that she is a "Wise wo-Man". Here's the main part of her answer: "I don't understand why this is so confusing for parents. She's 13. You are in control here. If she's not furious with you at least part of the day, then you're doing something wrong. Also, it's your money that pays for the phone." And then Rosalind talks about how certain companies can set usage controls and how she as a parent can, as well.
It was great to see Rosalind answer in a way that directly put the parent in control of the child, instead of vice-versa. The "child in charge" syndrome seems to be an epidemic in our culture today. And, unfortunately, many times the advice given by some counselors and columnists is to allow the children more control of their lives than they are capable of handling at that time.
Children and teens need guidance and direction, but the right kind of guidance and direction. The advice in Family Circle was great advice, but God gave this advice thousands of years ago in His Word - the Bible. The Bible teaches that children must obey their parents (as long as it does not go against God's commands). And parents must discipline their children. Of course, this verse does not mean to "beat" children as some have made it out to mean. But it is more than multiple warnings that never result in any form of discipline at all.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Ephesians 6:1
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Colossians 3:20
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. Proverbs 13:24
Monday, July 27, 2009
My Kitchen Timer
I am grateful for my kitchen timer! Why, you ask? Well, it's more than just a tool that helps my smoke alarm from going off quite so often. It's a tool for parenting!
As a parent, you know that getting children to do chores is sometimes a chore! While for the most part all four of my kiddos are willing to help out around the house, there are times that it isn't going so good. Usually those times are when the three boys are cleaning up their room. They all share a room and, even though it's a big room, it just gets messier with three in there together. Of course, the older two blame it on the youngest (which, indeed, is usually the case!).
A few weeks ago we were having a "cleaning party" as I like to refer to it, and the boys were squabling about "this and that" while cleaning up their room. After trying to let it go and let them work it out, I thought about my kitchen timer. I told them I was setting the timer and that their room had to be straight by the time the buzzer rang. I asked them how much time they thought they needed. Zachary said, "twenty minutes". Having walked back to their room and having seen the "damage", I didn't think twenty was enough, so secretly gave them 30.
The whole tone of the "cleaning party" changed! You would have thought I had done the greatest thing by putting them on a dealine! Isn't that amazing....and even a little shocking??! They finished the job a few minites before the timer rang!
A few days ago we were getting ready for a real birthday party at our house, so of course we needed another "cleaning party". The boys were sorting/folding laundry and Lauren and I were cleaning up the kitchen and working on food for the party. All of a sudden, Jacob said, "Mom, can you set the kitchen timer? It makes it more fun!"
So you see, I am grateful for my kitchen timer! It has made "cleaning parties" so much more fun...and productive! (Note: Maybe I should set the timer for myself. Maybe it would make some of the things I clean up/work on/organize more fun!)
Visit Laura at Heavenly Homemakers for more Gratituesday.
As a parent, you know that getting children to do chores is sometimes a chore! While for the most part all four of my kiddos are willing to help out around the house, there are times that it isn't going so good. Usually those times are when the three boys are cleaning up their room. They all share a room and, even though it's a big room, it just gets messier with three in there together. Of course, the older two blame it on the youngest (which, indeed, is usually the case!).
A few weeks ago we were having a "cleaning party" as I like to refer to it, and the boys were squabling about "this and that" while cleaning up their room. After trying to let it go and let them work it out, I thought about my kitchen timer. I told them I was setting the timer and that their room had to be straight by the time the buzzer rang. I asked them how much time they thought they needed. Zachary said, "twenty minutes". Having walked back to their room and having seen the "damage", I didn't think twenty was enough, so secretly gave them 30.
The whole tone of the "cleaning party" changed! You would have thought I had done the greatest thing by putting them on a dealine! Isn't that amazing....and even a little shocking??! They finished the job a few minites before the timer rang!
A few days ago we were getting ready for a real birthday party at our house, so of course we needed another "cleaning party". The boys were sorting/folding laundry and Lauren and I were cleaning up the kitchen and working on food for the party. All of a sudden, Jacob said, "Mom, can you set the kitchen timer? It makes it more fun!"
So you see, I am grateful for my kitchen timer! It has made "cleaning parties" so much more fun...and productive! (Note: Maybe I should set the timer for myself. Maybe it would make some of the things I clean up/work on/organize more fun!)
Visit Laura at Heavenly Homemakers for more Gratituesday.
Friday, July 17, 2009
The Chronicles of Biscuit - "That's the Way God Made Me!"
We've been on vacation for a few days. Last night at the hotel we were all trying to go to sleep and Biscuit kept talking. I had asked him to stop, but he didn't. I said, "Tyler (Biscuit) why do you keep talking when I asked you to stop?" Biscuit replied, "That's the way God made me. You can't change what God made." Well! He does have a point! God did make him and God did make him very unique and part of that uniqueness includes his "spirit", which sometimes gets him in trouble.
I know why Biscuit said this to me. Any time he asks me a question about why he can do something, can't do something, or why he has to wear glasses, my response is "God made you that way." Even though that response backfired on me because of his response, it's still true - God did make him that way.
Even though there are things that I can't change about Biscuit, as the mom, I have the responsibility to discipline and instruct him and teach him how to have self-control. I did my job and Biscuit got quiet and was asleep within about five minutes.
I know why Biscuit said this to me. Any time he asks me a question about why he can do something, can't do something, or why he has to wear glasses, my response is "God made you that way." Even though that response backfired on me because of his response, it's still true - God did make him that way.
Even though there are things that I can't change about Biscuit, as the mom, I have the responsibility to discipline and instruct him and teach him how to have self-control. I did my job and Biscuit got quiet and was asleep within about five minutes.
Train up a child in the way he should go,
Even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
Thank you, God, for children and their spirit!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
A Mean Mom
I'm a "mean" mom. Yep. I am. And, guess what? That's okay with me! And, actually, even my children are glad I'm mean! Ask them - they'll tell you. But, they won't use the word "mean". They will say strict.
Do you know why I'm okay with being a mean mom? Because a mean mom, in many children's eyes, teenager's eyes, and sadly even in some parent's and grandparent's eyes, is a mom who tells their children no. She doesn't put up with the whining or allow it to change her mind. A mean mom is a mom who wants to know where her children are at ALL times. She expects her children to be honest with her about where they are, as well as about everything else. A mean mom is also a mom who won't let her children play video games all of the time or watch TV all of the time, or be on the computer all of the time, or even text all of the time, or...you fill in the blank!
A mean mom sets limits and boundaries for her children. Yes, she has rules for her children. And, she expects those rules to be followed. A mean mom disciplines her children. She also takes the time to teach them about God, about Jesus, about salvation, as well as about the church that Jesus died for. She takes care to make sure her children are worshipping God with the church and learning in Bible classes when offered. She doesn't have to decide each week whether her children will be worshipping or not - it was a decision made long ago and it was a commitment. A commitment to God. A commitment to Christ.
Come to think of it, my mom was a mean mom, too! She was! She always set a curfew for me. Some kids didn't even have curfews! She didn't let me go to some of the parties other kids got to go to. She made me help clean the house each week and help with other chores around the house. And sleeping in on a Sunday morning? Well, that would have been out of the question!
You know what? I don't think my mom was mean, after all! (Thanks, Mom!) And I don't think I am a mean mom either. No, I think I have just described a mom who loves her children enough to discipline them. A mom who cares enough to want to know where children are and who they are with. A mom who loves her children enough to make rules and to set boundaries. But, it's also a mom who shows that love and care in a such a way that the children (eventually!) realize it is to help them grow up to be Christian adults, as well as productive citizens in this world.
A loving and caring mom will realize she is not a perfect mom and never will be, but is reliant on God's grace and love. A loving and caring mom will make it a goal to guide her children in the path towards Heaven and pray for God's strength and guidance to help her get through each step of the way.
Are you a "mean" mom?
Happy Mother's Day!
Do you know why I'm okay with being a mean mom? Because a mean mom, in many children's eyes, teenager's eyes, and sadly even in some parent's and grandparent's eyes, is a mom who tells their children no. She doesn't put up with the whining or allow it to change her mind. A mean mom is a mom who wants to know where her children are at ALL times. She expects her children to be honest with her about where they are, as well as about everything else. A mean mom is also a mom who won't let her children play video games all of the time or watch TV all of the time, or be on the computer all of the time, or even text all of the time, or...you fill in the blank!
A mean mom sets limits and boundaries for her children. Yes, she has rules for her children. And, she expects those rules to be followed. A mean mom disciplines her children. She also takes the time to teach them about God, about Jesus, about salvation, as well as about the church that Jesus died for. She takes care to make sure her children are worshipping God with the church and learning in Bible classes when offered. She doesn't have to decide each week whether her children will be worshipping or not - it was a decision made long ago and it was a commitment. A commitment to God. A commitment to Christ.
Come to think of it, my mom was a mean mom, too! She was! She always set a curfew for me. Some kids didn't even have curfews! She didn't let me go to some of the parties other kids got to go to. She made me help clean the house each week and help with other chores around the house. And sleeping in on a Sunday morning? Well, that would have been out of the question!
You know what? I don't think my mom was mean, after all! (Thanks, Mom!) And I don't think I am a mean mom either. No, I think I have just described a mom who loves her children enough to discipline them. A mom who cares enough to want to know where children are and who they are with. A mom who loves her children enough to make rules and to set boundaries. But, it's also a mom who shows that love and care in a such a way that the children (eventually!) realize it is to help them grow up to be Christian adults, as well as productive citizens in this world.
A loving and caring mom will realize she is not a perfect mom and never will be, but is reliant on God's grace and love. A loving and caring mom will make it a goal to guide her children in the path towards Heaven and pray for God's strength and guidance to help her get through each step of the way.
Are you a "mean" mom?
Happy Mother's Day!
Friday, March 27, 2009
Soap Box Saturday
I decided to start something new on Saturdays. It will be written on Friday night, actually. It's going to be called "Soap Box Saturday" and it's a time and place where I can get on my "Soap Box" as I do from time to time. I hope you don't mind :).
Many times my children come home from school upset about something that has happened in class. Today Zachary, my 6th grader, came home with a lot of homework from one particular class. This is very atypical for him, as he rarely has any because he gets it done during school. He has tests to study for at times, but that's it most of the time. It was very unusual, too, because it's a Friday. Not many teachers here at our small school give homework on Fridays.
Well, Zachary proceeds to tell us that the reason he has all of this homework is because of a few (4 or 5) in his class kept acting up and it ended up getting the whole class (27 students) in trouble. Now, my motto when things like this happen is always "Life's Not Fair" and, as the former 1st grade teacher used to tell this class and her other classes, "Build a bridge and get over it!" I agree with that, BUT, I do get on my "Soap Box" when the same students are in trouble over and over and nothing is done - or nothing much. I expect there to be discipline, and maybe my expectations are too high (according to my Soap Box!).
Of course, discipline is the parent(s) responsibility, but too many times, the parents leave it up to the teachers. Then, when the teachers try to do something about it, the parents get upset at the teachers....a never-ending, ever-disrupting cycle. Parents have the duty and the responsiblity to discipline their children. I believe the Bible teaches us, as parents, to discipline our children.
As parents, my husband and I realize that our children are not perfect, and we don't expect them to be; however, we do expect them to behave in a certain ways. We expect them to respect each other, as well as others. They are expected to obey their teachers. We may not always agree with how the teacher at school disciplines, such as punishing the whole class for a few student's behavior, but we support the teacher and expect our children to do the work that is given to them.
Discipline is a natural part of life, and not always pleasant for the giver or the receiver! God disciplines us, His children, and we don't always like it, do we? Look at these verses in Hebrews:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:5(b)-11
These verses point out that God disciplines us because He loves us and that it is for our good. When you discipline your children, your grandchildren, or your students, do they feel loved at that moment? Do they say, "Oh, thank you! This is for my own good!"? Of course not! Discipline is not pleasant at the time, but it produces, as the verse above says, "a harvest of righteousness and peace". Discipline in the Greek means to instruct or train. We discipline our children because we love them and they are better for it. We teach them by instructing them and training them.
True discipline is when it is directed toward the problem, not towards punishing a whole group for the misdeeds of a few. And now...I'll get off my "Soap Box" and go make sure Zachary has his homework done!
So, what's on your "Soap Box" today???
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