Seasoning Your Words

At the beginning of each new school year we begin a new ladies' Bible class study on Wednesday nights.  This fall we are doing a book by Nancy Eichman entitled, "SEASONING YOUR WORDS - 
GOD’S RECIPE FOR CONTROLLING YOUR TONGUE". It's a great study and very needed for me, but it seems like everyone else things they need it, as well.  

The scripture the book is based on is this: “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt so that you may know how to answer everyone,” Colossians 4:6.  Learning to have gracious speech, which is well-seasoned, is difficult, yet necessary for the child of God.  Striving to imitate our Savior, Jesus, we must learn to control our tongues better.  Consistency of life must be followed by consistency of speech.

 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Proverbs 4:23-24.  

The words that come from our mouth are almost always from the motives of the heart.  When we are murmuring and complain, we have a critical heart.  When we say mean, ugly, nasty, foul things, our heart is unholy.  When we gossip and tattle, we have a careless, thoughtless heart.  And when we boast and brag, we have a proud heart.

It can be summed up with this quote:

***Usually when our mouths speak out of order, it’s a sign that our hearts are out of order.***

How is your life?  How is your mouth?  How are your words?  How is your heart?

K.Y.M.S. (Again!)

“The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.”

Proverbs 17:27-28

K.Y.M.S. Do you know what that means? I am pretty sure I've entitled a blog post with this same acronym before, but in case you haven't seen it or don't remember, it stands for "Keep Your Mouth Shut!".  Oh, what a great thing to remember to do that I often forget....or neglect...to do!

In physical growth, children love to look at a mark on the wall and see how much they've grown year after year.  There is one mark, then a little above that, another mark.  Every time they measure they can see growth for many years.  In our spiritual lives, we can't physically put a mark on the wall, but it is good to examine ourselves often and see just how we are "measuring up".

When I think about my 20's or even 30's, I cringe about some of the things I said.  I would say whatever popped into my head (and that isn't good to say whatever is in your head!).  And now....in my mid-40's, I still mess up.  But now, these years later, I do often think about what I'm going to say or should say before I say it.  It doesn't mean I never say the wrong thing because I do all of the time, but now....I say the wrong thing less.  I can see that I've grown and matured as far as my words are concerned.  But I can keep going and maturing in this area.  For me, it will most likely be a life-long growing because it will probably never end.

I love reading about the words and the mouth in the Bible.  It steps on my toes, for sure, but it reminds me of the work that needs to be done in my life.  The good thing about it, though, is that the Holy Spirit will help me in this growth.  I don't have to do it alone.  Neither do you!  Whatever your struggle is - the Holy Spirit can help you with it, if you are a baptized believer in Christ!  The Holy Spirit is your helper.

Sometimes in our minds we say, "I can't do that!".  We say, "That's just the way I am!".  Well, if we are a child of God, it's wrong for us to say that!  GOD says HE will help us change and grow to be more like His Son, Jesus.  That is His will for our lives.  So for us to say "can't" just simply means we don't believe God can and will do what He says He can do.  Sadly, a lot of the times, we don't want to change.  We want to be the same. We don't want to work at something, but just continue doing what we've always done.

Each and every day I pray, "God, please help me use my words wisely".  He does His part, but I must do my part.

I have a brother-in-law that I admire (well, I have several that I admire, but this one for this reason).  When he's asked a question, he doesn't respond immediately.  It actually bugged me for a long time!  I would want to say, "Hurry up! Answer!".  But he wouldn't.  He was thinking.  Like I should do!  And for someone who is impatient in this area, waiting for an answer is torture!  But, what wisdom there is in thinking before speaking!  How many problems would be alleviated if we just took the time to think before speaking?

So today, I begin again with this same prayer.  Today I'll strive to grow more in this area with the help of the Holy Spirit.  Today is a new day.

Thank you, God!

The Tongue - An Uncontrollable Evil

Don’t say anything that would hurt another person. Instead, speak only what is good so that you can give help wherever it is needed. That way, what you say will help those who hear you. Ephesians 4:29 (God's Word Translation)

I haven't read much about this God's Word Translation version - to make sure it is all translated according to the original meaning - but I sure like how blunt it is with things we all need to hear!

My words....maybe your words....sometimes come out of my mouth before I take time to think about them!  That's not good!

It's no wonder that James warned about the tongue in his letter.  It is an uncontrollable evil.  Scripture says "no one can tame the tongue", so it is hard.  We can't do it on our own, but with God's help....with the Holy Spirit working inside of us....we can tame it.  And we must, if we're striving to look more like Jesus.

If a person thinks that he is religious but can’t control his tongue, he is fooling himself. That person’s religion is worthless. 

James 1:26

 All of us make a lot of mistakes. If someone doesn’t make any mistakes when he speaks, he would be perfect. He would be able to control everything he does. ³ We put bits in the mouths of horses to make them obey us, and we have control over everything they do. ⁴ The same thing is true for ships. They are very big and are driven by strong winds. Yet, by using small rudders, pilots steer ships wherever they want them to go. ⁵ In the same way the tongue is a small part of the body, but it can brag about doing important things.

A large forest can be set on fire by a little flame. ⁶ The tongue is that kind of flame. It is a world of evil among the parts of our bodies, and it completely contaminates our bodies. The tongue sets our lives on fire, and is itself set on fire from hell. ⁷ People have tamed all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and sea creatures. ⁸ Yet, no one can tame the tongue. It is an uncontrollable evil filled with deadly poison.

⁹ With our tongues we praise our Lord and Father. Yet, with the same tongues we curse people, who were created in God’s likeness. ¹⁰ Praise and curses come from the same mouth. My brothers and sisters, this should not happen! 

James 3:2-10

Let's think more about our words today, and use them to help, not hurt.  Let's strive to glorify God with our words!

Hard for Me to Say I'm Sorry

Yes, the title is borrowed from an '80's love song from my very favorite group, Chicago.  But today it's not referring to some love song.  Today it has to do with saying sentimental things.  For some people, it is really very hard for them to say "I'm sorry".  In fact, some people never say it at all.

Often people have trouble saying things that need to be said.  Things that are from the heart....things like:

I was wrong.            
I forgive you.                        
I love you.        
Please.                    
Thank you.                            
You're welcome.

Why is is hard to say these things?  We don't want to be wrong.  We don't want to even admit that we might be wrong.  Some of us more have more trouble with this than others.

We have four children.  One of them will apologize immediately after they do something wrong.  This child has a very tender heart and recognizes the wrongdoing very quickly.  Two of our children are the opposite.  They rarely, if ever, admit wrongdoing, much less apologize for it.  The other child is sort of in the middle....sometimes saying sorry and sometimes not.  The differences in our children are evident, but interesting.  We try not to compare them to each other verbally, although it's just obvious that some are one way and some are another.  It's good for them - and for us - to realize and recognize differences in themselves and in others.

God made us all differently.  We're all unique.  But we also all sin differently.  It's the sin in our lives we must recognize and be willing to confess to our Father in heaven.  We need forgiveness for that sin, but we have to ask for it.  If we don't recognize it, we won't ask for forgiveness, will we?  Now you see why it's important.  We must analyze our lives and see where we need improvement.

It doesn't matter what kind of personality you and I have.  It doesn't matter about our talents and abilities.  ALL of us can learn to have good manners and be courteous to others.  For some it will take more work than for others.  For some it comes naturally to say all of those sentimental statements.  For others it will be like pulling teeth to get "I'm sorry," out of our mouths!

Sin comes in three forms.  It can be broken down into three categories:  The lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life.  These sentimental thoughts, and the inability or the refusal to say these things mostly come from the third area of sin - the pride of life.  We tend to be prideful people, and saying "I'm sorry," or "I was wrong" is something that is hard for a prideful person to do.  Pride can even be the cause for not saying "Thank you" or "You're welcome".  Our pride keeps us from being humble.  Pride keeps us from looking like Jesus.

For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.

1 John 2:16-17

For the rest of this week, try to use the sentimental statements above at least once a day.  More often would be even better.  Make a concentrated effort to say what you need to say to others.  Don't go through life any longer without saying the things that need to be said.  Recognize sin in your life.  It's easy to recognize it in the lives of others, isn't it?  Yes.  We're pretty good at that.  But we have a much harder time seeing it in our own lives.

We can change.  We can become more like Jesus.  God and His Spirit within us will help us change.    We just have to be willing to give up our pride and selfish desires.  We must be humble.  We can grow to look more and more like Jesus.  Let's get started!

Say what you need to say.....

There's been a song on the radio for quite some time called, "Say What You Need to Say".  I'm not even sure about who the artist is that sings it, but I always tease with the kids about it because he (the artist) sings the same words over and over...."say what you need to say".....but never says anything else!  I'll mockingly yell out to the radio, "Just say it!" or "Spit it out!".  The kids start laughing and our conversation turns to other repeating songs that never say anything.

Unfortunately in personal relationships, there are often words that we need to say, but we don't.  Maybe it's a personality thing, such as being too shy to talk.  Maybe it's an insecurity thing, such as being afraid to show feelings.  But, maybe it's a pride thing, such as not wanting to admit being needy or being wrong.

I've made a list of phrases that I believe are often not said, but these are also phrases that we shouldn't be afraid to say.  In fact, we should be more than willing to say each of them.

I LOVE YOU
It's always seemed a little bit strange to me that these words can be some of the hardest for some people to say.  Why would we have trouble telling our loved ones that we love them?  I think, though, if you didn't grown up hearing those words, it seems foreign to say them.  You can "show" people you love them, but maybe it would be good to work on telling them too, you know?  Try it!

I AM SORRY
The quickest way to mend a broken relationship is to admit fault and to apologize.  Pride gets in the way sometimes, though, and the words, "I am sorry", have difficulty coming out.  Admitting wrong isn't a sign of weakness.  It's a sign of strength.  It's also a sign of humility - one of Jesus' characteristics that we should try to emulate.

Saying "I'm sorry" doesn't necessariliy mean that any wrong doing was done.  Maybe someone lost their job and lost a loved one.  Saying "I'm sorry." just shows that you care.

I WAS WRONG
Saying "sorry" is the first step towards healing a relationship.  In taking it a step further, when we admit we were actually wrong, we are taking personal responsibility for the problem.  Maybe you weren't wrong, though. In that case, being "sorry" that something happened is enough.

I NEED HELP
I put this one in here for me.  Sometimes it is really, really hard for me to admit that I need help with something.  Sometimes I would rather just do it all myself than to ask someone to help me.  I used to think it was a sense of pride, and maybe sometimes it is, but for me, most of the time I don't ask because I don't want to be rejected.  I don't want to be told no.  If I'm going to have to do it myself anyway, then I would rather do it with a positive attitude than with a rejected-feeling bad attitude.  That's something I must work on!!  I need to keep asking and not worry about the answer I receive.

I FORGIVE YOU
This one is hard some times.  I think of my children when I think about this statement.  Maybe one of them has apologized to the other one about something. Has the other one accepted the apology?  Maybe it's not something that verbally needs to be said, but in our hearts, if someone asks for forgiveness, we must forgive them, mustn't we?  But sometimes we continue to carry a grudge.  Sometimes we want to hold that offense in our hearts.  When we forgive others, we are releasing our control and sometimes that's hard to do.

But, think of our relationship with our Heavenly Father.  If we sin and ask for forgiveness, don't we expect Him to forgive us?  Of course!  That's what the blood of Jesus was for - to continue cleansing our sins.  Do we wait for God to say, "I forgive you"?  Not at all.  We KNOW He forgives us because His Word tells us that He will.

YOU WERE RIGHT
Admitting we were wrong about something is also admitting that someone else was right.  This is being submissive to others and isn't always a natural response in our human minds.  Having a heart like Jesus, as we should, will make this phrase much easier.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME
Asking for forgiveness should come naturally to us, but oftentimes it doesn't.  When we pray, part of our prayer should be asking God to forgive us for any sins we have committed, but also, we need to ask forgiveness from others.  If we have wronged someone - whether intentionally or unintentionally - we should ask for forgiveness.  Remember that asking someone to forgive you isn't a weakness.  It's a strength, just like saying you were wrong.

THANK YOU
It's as if the art or practice of saying "thank you" has died.  Where thank you notes used to be the norm they are now the exception.  Where an attitude of gratitude used to be exhibited when one received a gift, it's now an attitude of expectation.

I don't ever keep a record of who sends me a thank you note for gifts - such as wedding showers, baby showers, graduation, etc. - but I have noticed that sometimes even a verbal "thank you" isn't offered.  I remember taking a full course meal to a couple who had a baby.  It was their fourth child and I certainly understand how busy life is with a newborn.  I didn't really expect a hand-written note at all.  However, I was surprised that the meal was never mentioned - ever.  Make a habit of at least saying "thank you" verbally, whether you take the time to write a note or not.  Of course, a hand-written note is more personal than a jotted text, email, Facebook message, or whatever, but at least say "thank you" in some way.  It doesn't take that much time.

PLEASE
Remember the saying that "please" and "thank you" are the magic words?  Barney, the purple dinosaur, had a song about these magic words.  Saying please at the end of the request makes it sound less like a demand or command.  Saying please is showing that you care about the other person and will most likely give you the results you are expecting.  Saying "please" is being courteous to others.

I CAN HELP
I put this one in here for me, too. It goes with the one about "I need help".  This is the opposite end of the response of rejection that I don't want to hear.  If I ask for help, it would be great if you said, "I can help!".  If we have trouble volunteering to help others, maybe it's because we have trouble committing our time, talent, and resources.  We're afraid if we volunteer for something, we're "stuck".  I know.  I've felt that way before, too.  Maybe we're afraid if I help with something once, we'll be in it forever - without escape!  I know.  I've felt that way before, too.  But, I also know that as 4-H leader and PTO leader, I need help.  There is no way that I can possibly do everything on my own.  My husband is a great helper, but he also has a job and his own responsibilities - just as you do.

So, here is a thought:  try to help when you can.  Try to volunteer as much as possible. When planning your schedule, make sure you're making it with a servant's attitude and not a selfish attitude.  We can all serve more.  Again, our wonderful example is Jesus.  He was a servant - always.

So, this is my list of  "Say what you need to say".  What phrases would you add to the list?

Scattered in the Wind

There is a story of a woman in an Indian village who maliciously gossiped about another lady and her family in the village. One day she found out that she was wrong about this lady and her family and had a change of heart. She went to the village’s wise man and asked how she could take back all the wrong she had done. The wise man told her to go home and kill her chickens and pluck there feathers and put them into a bag. After this she was to go back and see the wise man again, but on her way back she was to scatter all the feathers she had plucked from the chickens.

The lady did as she was told. When she got back to the man, he told her, " now go back and pick up all the feathers that you have scattered. " The woman was astonished at such a command and said, " By now the wind has carried the feathers through out the village and beyond." The wise man then told her, And so it is with your careless words. They are like the feathers scattered in the wind. You can not retrieve them. " With that the woman with a broken heart because of the words she had spoken went her way, determined from that day forward to watch her words.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

The Chronicles of Biscuit - "My Daddy Says Bad Words"

A few years ago we were watching a baseball game, when the coach stopped by to visit our family.  Biscuit, then age 5, said (out of the blue!), "My daddy says bad words."  Joe and I looked at each other kind of puzzled - knowing that he doesn't say bad words and wondering what Biscuit might say next.  The coach looked at us, also realizing it was an awkward moment.  I asked Biscuit what he thought daddy said that was bad and he said, "Daddy says, "Whoa, Nelly!""  We all got a kick out of that!

You know, many parents would be afraid (and possibly embarrassed) if their child told someone that they said bad words, but we knew that we didn't so didn't have to worry.  Of course, there could have been a possibility that Biscuit could have heard a word elsewhere that could have been repeated, but at that time of his life, I didn't think so.  He didn't go to preschool and we don't watch anything on TV that has bad language, so I was pretty sure he didn't even know any "bad" words.

The Bible speaks a lot about the words we say and about the words we shouldn't say.  Here are just a few of the scriptures dealing with our words:

"You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name." Deuteronomy 5:11

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29

"But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned." Matthew 12:36-37

As our children (or grandchildren) grow up, their little ears are listening to everything we say.  Are the words you are saying repeatable?  Would you be embarrassed to have them repeated?  Are they (as the above scriptures point out) free from using God's name in vain?  Are they helpful and uplifting or unwholesome?  Are your words careless?

Let's all make a point to watch the words we say and also strive to say only what will glorify God and be uplifting to others.

Oh, Be Careful Little Mouth What You Say!

I mentioned in a post a few days ago that I used the song, "Oh, Be Careful Little Eyes What You See" in a lesson I did at a Bible Teacher's Workshop. I went into the other verses of the song as well, so from time to time, I will use them as posts. Today let's consider, "Oh, Be Careful Little Mouth What You Say".

I also mentioned in that same post to think about the Latin phrase, "Coram Deo", which means, "Before the face of God."

We say thousands of words a day, but what do we say with those words? How do we use our words? What do others hear when they are around us? Uplifting words? Clean words? Kind words? Dirty words? Unkind words? What words do we speak before the face of God?

The words we say can heal wounds, but our words can also tear others down. Just yesterday someone said something to my husband about his weight. Something very rude, actually! And even worse, this is the 2nd time someone has said something like this to him. Yes, he could loose some weight, but he knows that without anyone having to tell him, just like we all do if we need to loose some weight! Things like that are hurtful and what this person must not realize is that men have feelings, too. Would these men say something like this to a woman? Why say something like that to anyone?

I have to say that it was VERY hard for me to have self control about this yesterday. In fact, I would have called the person right then! But, my husband asked me not to and I won't. I did go for a long walk and prayed about it, of course. Now I'm writing about it because it goes so well with this topic and it makes my point so well!! I kept thinking yesterday of a momma bear trying to protect her cubs, although my husband's not one of my "cubs"....he's the daddy bear!

Yes, the words we say are so important. Our words can encourage and build people up; however, our words can discourage and even destroy people, as well. Within families we can build each other up (in an honest, truthful, and uplifting way - not with false flattery) like no one else can, and we can also destroy each other like no one else can.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

So, how should we use our words to God's glory and before His face? These verses tell us:

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6

Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name. Hebrews 13:15

In the Bible, James talks about the tongue and how it is hard to control, but let's think of the tongue in a positive way. We can use our tongues for good. We can tell others about God. We can tell them about Jesus. We can share with them God's Word and tell them about salvation through Jesus. We can also use our mouths to speak kind and encouraging words to others who need to hear them.

So, how do you use your mouth and your words?

Before the face of God, we use our mouths.
"Oh, Be Careful Little Mouth What You Say. "