Up or Down

When I started dating my now-husband, I was only 16.  He was 22, so it was a big age difference.  Because my mom knew his family and knew their strong Christian background, she never worried about him or our relationship.  My dad didn't, either.  He wasn't the typical, "no one's dating my daughter until she's 20" kind of dad (thankfully!).  But now that our oldest, and only daughter, is 17, and will be leaving home in a little more than a year, I think about my future son-in-law or with my boys, my future daughters-in-law.

There are some important questions to ask yourself if you are of the dating age.  As a Christian, there are some very tough questions that are of utmost importance.  Don't think that you can change someone.  Perhaps they will change on their own, and perhaps you can help them change some, but don't go into a relationship expecting it.  Go into the relationship thinking of it as an "as is" thing, if you will.  In other words, you don't want someone who will change to make you happy while dating, yet after marriage, go back to the way they used to be.  Look at their family.  Look at the way they treat their family, their neighbors, the poor, the sick, the lonely.  Look at their relationship with God.  

So, on to the questions:

Will my relationship with him/her bring me UP or bring me DOWN?
Will he/she help me grow closer to God or draw me further away?
When I am around him/her, does he/she lift me up or drag me down?
Does he/she encourage me or discourage me?
Will he/she stand up for what is morally right and ethically correct or will he/she go with the flow - even if it's wrong?
Is he/she interested in helping others, or does it seem like he/she is more concerned with himself/herself?
Is he/she striving to be closer to God, or is that personal relationship ever even talked about?
How does he/she feel about the church?  Is it important to him/her or is it something he/she feels really doesn't matter?
What does he/she believe about Jesus?  Has he/she given his/her life to him?  Is he/she totally committed to Him?
How does he/she talk about his/her parents, grandparents, siblings?

These are just a few important questions.  Of course, there are many, many more.  But as a Christian, the ones that show whether the person you are dating with draw you closer to God or draw you away from God is the most important of all.  There is no other relationship as important as the one you have with your Heavenly Father and the one you have with His Son and your Savior, Jesus.  Nothing is worth allowing that relationship to suffer.  Nothing.

These questions can be used for relationships with friends and co-workers, as well.  It is our duty as Christians to teach others and bring them to Christ, but we need to be careful that we are not being brought down in the process.  We want to be one who lifts others up, who bring others up with us, and ultimately, people who point others to Him.

Working Together and Common Denominators

A few weeks ago our two middle boys, Zachary and Jacob, decided to build a pitcher's mound out in our field. They worked and worked on this project for about three hours that particular day. As they worked throughout the day, they would come in a ask me to come and look at their project. While I was proud of their hard work and their thoughtful design, I was most proud of the way they were working together to reach their common goal. Being brothers and being 22 months apart, I can assure that this working together and getting along isn't the way it always is with these two! If you're a parent of more than one child, I'm sure you can relate!

Working together takes....well, it takes work, doesn't it? Working together is sometimes easy, but sometimes it's hard. And sometimes, with certain people, it seems almost impossible.  It's not impossible, but it may seem that way.

I like the true story my sister told me years ago about a friend of hers. This friend worked for a large publishing company. One of his co-workers was having relationship troubles with some of her co-workers and she came to this man for advice. After listening carefully to everything the woman said (stories of her inability to get along with several other co-workers), he finally came up with a wise question for the woman. He asked her, "Who is the common denominator in each of these relationship problems?" The woman realized it was her! She was the common denominator!  This man used his wisdom to help this woman, and although it may have been hard to realize that she was the problem, he spoke the truth to her in a kind way...a way that would enable her to work on the relationships that had been damaged. It would enable her to learn to work together better with others.

Working together on this special pitching mound seems to have made a new bond between Zachary and Jacob.  I'm not sure it will be the end of the sibling squables, but it's made them continue to work together for a common goal.  They continue to work together to keep the pitching mound in good shape - especially after it rains.

I think it would be a good idea, in any relationship problem we might have, to ask ourselves the same question my sister's friend asked his co-worker:  Who is the common denominator?  If it's me, then I've got some work to do.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Romans 12:18