Like Any Other Sunday

You may or may not have noticed, but I'm not a big fan of celebrating Mother's Day or Father's Day.  That may seem strange to some, but working with Tipton Children's Home, I am reminded every year that some people don't have happy thoughts about these days that are recognized in the world as being happy.  Actually, in the world, Mother's Day is put way far above Father's Day and dads are often bashed from pulpits all across the nation.  That's sad, too.

The thing is, some of us have wonderful mothers, some have okay mothers, some have bad mothers.  And some of us are celebrating having a mother, but others of us are mourning our mothers.  Some of us are sadly reminded of the times when we lost a child, others are reminded of the fact that they will never be a mother.  And then there are lots and lots who are celebrating their living mothers as well as the fact that they are a mother.

I want to think about those who are mourning this celebrated day, but most of all, I don't want to take the focus of worship off of who we are supposed to be celebrating as we gather for worship each week - JESUS.  HE is what we celebrate! His birth, death, and resurrection.  Thankfully, here anyway, we don't have some big celebration with lots of awards given as I've seen and heard that some places do.  I even saw a comment that one lady doesn't go to worship that day because it's too painful!  That is NOT what the church should be about - causing pain to someone else in that manner!  That makes me so sad.

In ladies class Wednesday night we talked about mourning and our ministry to others in mourning.  Here are the points I would like to share today that are especially relevant for this coming Sunday....a hard time during this time of year every year because they are missing a loved one. (Be considerate of the feelings of others. These points are from a sermon at Memorial Rd. Church (Phil Brookman) in February.)

1.Take the words “at least” and “you should” out of your vocabulary.

No one wants to hear the words “at least” when they are in grief because at that moment there is no "at least". And no one wants to hear “you should” because that doesn’t validate how they’re feeling.

2. Instead of the phrase, “Call me if” change that to “I will do”. When people are in grief we often say, “Call me if you need anything.” But rarely does that happen because when someone is in grief the last thing they want to have to do is take advantage of someone else’s to-do list, so change that to a tangible action. Decide to do something and just tell them, “I will do _____________”. I’m going to bring you a meal. Tell them what you are going to do for them.

3. When it comes to those who are mourning the loss of a loved one or friend, don’t be afraid to mention the name of the person who died because the person who is grieving is probably thinking of that person all day long. It can be very validating to that person to mention by name the loved one.

4. Just listen. Be quiet. Job said to his friends, "What miserable comforters you are!" (Job 16:2) He just wanted someone to listen to him. He knew all of the things they said to him, but just needed someone to hear him.

5. Don’t force yourself into the situation if the person doesn’t want to talk. You might not be the person that this person needs to or wants to talk to. Be available, but don’t force it.

Close to You

Our youngest son is having breathing troubles.  He has asthma, and as he did a breathing treatment this morning, I had him in my lap.....well, sort of......as much as an almost 10 year old can be in your lap!  Anyway, we were in the rocking chair.  As he did the treatment, I told him how I missed rocking him and the three older children.  I thought to myself about all of those hours and hours and hours I had rocked each of them.  It seems like yesterday, but then it seems like forever ago.  I miss that.  If you're a mom or a grandmother, maybe you do, too.  There's just something about holding and rocking a little one that we moms and grandmothers crave.  It's the nurturing and caring for part about us that makes us unique.  God made us just that way.

It's hard for us to imagine how much God loves us.  But as I thought about the past rocking of my babies this morning, my mind went to God's love for us.  He wants us close to Him.  He wants to hold and comfort us - just as we want to do for our own kids.  But, like our own kids grow up and aren't as needy, sometimes it's as if we "grow up" and feel like at times we don't need that care and love from God.  We may not say it, but our actions often show it.  But then something bad happens, and there we go.....right back to Him.  Why do we only want His love and care when things are rough?  Just like a child growing up, they try to 'break away' and become independent until something happens and they get hurt, then there they come running back to us, don't they?

So, it's human nature for us to try to do it all alone.  It's human nature for us to try to be independent.  And in some ways we must become more independent - able to function in the world, but never should we become people who believe we're doing it all alone.  Our independence from others, should come from our dependence on God.  We should consider Him not only as a Father, but also as our friend, our helper, our support system, our counselor (through His Spirit living in us), and an example - the example we have through Jesus' life on earth.

God wants His children near to Him...Always.  He wants us to crave to be near Him.  He wants us to need Him and to rely on Him.  Yes, just like my children have done, we will "grow up" and become more and more mature.  But our spiritual maturity only means we're getting closer and closer to Him and more and more like His Son, Jesus.  It will never mean we're moving further away from Him.  It will never mean we're relying less and less on Him.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. 

James 4:8a

Therefore, brethren, having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus, ²⁰ by a new and living way which He consecrated for us, through the veil, that is, His flesh, ²¹ and having a High Priest over the house of God, ²² let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. 

Hebrews 10:19-22

Mommy Feelings

I remember thinking, several years ago, that when our family was out of the "diapers and car seat" stage, life was going to be so much easier.  And, in many ways it is.  We don't have to remember to pack extra diapers and wipes when going away from home, and we don't have to switch car seats back and forth from one vehicle to another.  The "baby stuff" is gone.

But now that our two oldest are teenagers, the third is a preteen, and the little one thinks he is (smile), I am finding that the "diaper and car seat" stage wasn't so bad after all.  I really do miss the kids all being little.  Rocking them and holding them and even pushing them in the stroller (the double stroller, of course) are some of my fondest memories and I would love to be able to go back to that time and do it again.  This stage of life is fun, too, but it has come with a new emotion for me - one that I really don't enjoy having.  I've phrased it "Mommy Feelings" and the emotion comes from when my "Mommy Feelings" are hurt.  I don't like that emotion.

Some parents try to push their children to do all sorts of things.  They strive to live out their dreams in the lives of their children. For the most part, I don't think my husband and I do that.  We know what our children's gifts and abilities are and try to be realistic in those gifts and abilities and not expect too much.  So, where do the hurt "Mommy Feelings" come in?  It's when someone else hurts, disappoints, or neglects one of my children.  That's when my "Mommy Feelings" get hurt and when I feel like a mama bear who needs to protect her little bear cubs. 

Use to I probably would have tried to protect my children from these types of things, and if it was something dangerous, of course I would now.  But, with most of the things that cause this emotion, I can't do anything - and shouldn't do anything - to help the situation.  I have to realize that those times are learning experiences for my children and that, in the end, it is good for them.  They need to learn that life is not fair....only God is fair.  They need to learn that some people will disappoint and let them down....only God will never fail them.  It's a hard lesson for them to learn.  It's also a hard lesson for me to let them learn.

Whenever my children are teasing me and having fun and say something to me in a jokingly hurtful way, I tell them that "they hurt my last feeling".  They laugh and I look sad.  It's kind of a game we play.  Believe me, they would know if it was something that was serious and shouldn't be said...something that was really hurtful.  But those playful times are fun.  I enjoy teasing with them.  But, when the "Mommy Feelings" get hurt, it's not funny.  It's a genuine hurt and pain that is because of something that is happening to one of my children.

Last week my "Mommy Feelings" got hurt.  I was upset and a little bit mad.  Sometimes when my "Mommy Feelings" are hurt, my child's feelings are hurt, too.  That's when it's really tough.  But last week, my son Zachary, taught me a big lesson.  Instead of being upset (like I was), he was smiling.  He was optimistic.  He was encouraging to others around him - just like he always does.  Zachary was being more mature than I was being!  Hmmmmmm....... 

So, about these "Mommy Feelings".......I'm sure they'll come back from time to time.  I'm sure that hurting emotion will come back.  But, you know what?  In the midst of hurt feelings, I still have a choice.  I have a choice to be mad or not.  I have a choice to complain and sulk or not.  I have a choice to act out my feelings or not.  And ultimately, I have a choice to sin....or not.

Thank you, Zachary, for being a great example.  I appreciate you. and I am proud of you!  I am grateful to have you for a son.

This post is linked to Gratituesday.  To see what others are grateful for, visit Heavenly Homemakers.

Tsunami Mommy

"Tsunami Mommy"

That's my new nickname, bestowed upon me by my loving husband.  He means it as a strict warning to our four children that mom is on a cleaning/straightening rampage and that they'd better have everything neat and orderly.  I kind of think he means it in a negative sense (It's just a vibe I'm getting...), but I totally take it as a positive nickname - one that I have earned. 

It has taken several years, many messes, four children, and many messes and episodes with those four children for many years....to acquire this special nickname.  So I am honored to have earned it.    I am grateful for my newly-earned nickname.  I think it makes me a legend, don't you??? ;)

My mother-in-law was known as "Hurricane Sharon".  She got her nickname from being a mother to six and houseparent at Tipton Home to 17....YES  S-E-V-E-N-T-E-E-N!  22 TOTAL PEOPLE IN HER HOUSEHOLD FOR 12 YEARS!  She earned her nickname, too, in more ways than I will ever earn mine.  I've heard it told that she would empty out dresser drawers and have a pile waiting for a child to come and straighten it up - in a neat and orderly fashion.  She's still the most organized person I know.

My house isn't that orderly, though I kind of wish that it was. (Maybe I should invite "Hurricane Sharon" over for a  cleaning visit while???? Ummmmm. No.  I'd be embarrassed!) My drawers aren't straight.  Some of them are, but very few.  My philosophy is more "out of site - out of mind", but by that I don't mean "stuff everything under the bed" or "stuff everything in a garbage bag" or having "12 water bottles stuffed in crevices by the bed/under the bed" (as this photo illustrates).  No.  I'm more into things being put up in the right place; however, that place, in and of itself, may be messy. (Does that make sense??)  I can only go so far.  I don't have the time to organize everything perfectly.....and honestly, if I had the time, I wouldn't do it. It's just not that important to me.  I like to do to many other things to be totally organized.

Photo:  Source - Mom....June 2010

Prosecutor - Tsunami Mommy

Defendant: Jacob, age 12

Crime:  12 water bottles by/under his bed

Luckily for my kiddos, a few weeks out of October are fairly free on my calendar during the daytime while they're at school, so "Tsunami Mommy" is out in full force and finding lots of piles for them to take care of when they get home from school. I know they will thank me when they're older.  I'm certain of it.  But for now, I'd better get back to earning my new nickname.  I wouldn't want it to be taken away.

I'll be back for another more devotional-type post tomorrow.  See ya then :).

This post is linked to Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers. Join us for Gratituesday, why don't cha?