Like Any Other Sunday

You may or may not have noticed, but I'm not a big fan of celebrating Mother's Day or Father's Day.  That may seem strange to some, but working with Tipton Children's Home, I am reminded every year that some people don't have happy thoughts about these days that are recognized in the world as being happy.  Actually, in the world, Mother's Day is put way far above Father's Day and dads are often bashed from pulpits all across the nation.  That's sad, too.

The thing is, some of us have wonderful mothers, some have okay mothers, some have bad mothers.  And some of us are celebrating having a mother, but others of us are mourning our mothers.  Some of us are sadly reminded of the times when we lost a child, others are reminded of the fact that they will never be a mother.  And then there are lots and lots who are celebrating their living mothers as well as the fact that they are a mother.

I want to think about those who are mourning this celebrated day, but most of all, I don't want to take the focus of worship off of who we are supposed to be celebrating as we gather for worship each week - JESUS.  HE is what we celebrate! His birth, death, and resurrection.  Thankfully, here anyway, we don't have some big celebration with lots of awards given as I've seen and heard that some places do.  I even saw a comment that one lady doesn't go to worship that day because it's too painful!  That is NOT what the church should be about - causing pain to someone else in that manner!  That makes me so sad.

In ladies class Wednesday night we talked about mourning and our ministry to others in mourning.  Here are the points I would like to share today that are especially relevant for this coming Sunday....a hard time during this time of year every year because they are missing a loved one. (Be considerate of the feelings of others. These points are from a sermon at Memorial Rd. Church (Phil Brookman) in February.)

1.Take the words “at least” and “you should” out of your vocabulary.

No one wants to hear the words “at least” when they are in grief because at that moment there is no "at least". And no one wants to hear “you should” because that doesn’t validate how they’re feeling.

2. Instead of the phrase, “Call me if” change that to “I will do”. When people are in grief we often say, “Call me if you need anything.” But rarely does that happen because when someone is in grief the last thing they want to have to do is take advantage of someone else’s to-do list, so change that to a tangible action. Decide to do something and just tell them, “I will do _____________”. I’m going to bring you a meal. Tell them what you are going to do for them.

3. When it comes to those who are mourning the loss of a loved one or friend, don’t be afraid to mention the name of the person who died because the person who is grieving is probably thinking of that person all day long. It can be very validating to that person to mention by name the loved one.

4. Just listen. Be quiet. Job said to his friends, "What miserable comforters you are!" (Job 16:2) He just wanted someone to listen to him. He knew all of the things they said to him, but just needed someone to hear him.

5. Don’t force yourself into the situation if the person doesn’t want to talk. You might not be the person that this person needs to or wants to talk to. Be available, but don’t force it.

Reflections about Mother's Day

As Mother's Day was celebrated today, I was thankful for my own mother, my mother-in-law, and also for being a mother to four precious souls, and one soul who I will see someday in Heaven.  I've been abundantly blessed. 

But, also on this Mother's Day (and every Mother's Day), I think of those who are not mothers....not by choice, but because of expectations beyond their control.  My heart hurts for them as they long to hold a child in their arms.  A Facebook friend posted the following quote.  It describes how those longing to be a mother may feel.  I can't totally understand their pain, but I can empathize with their desire to have a child.

"The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence...for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent, ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?"  --Laura Bush, Spoken from the Heart
 
Also, on this Mother's Day, I thought of the children who live at Tipton Home (where my husband works) or other places where children live - but not with their biological or adopted families.  They are somewhere they may not want to be.  They are with people who love and care for them, but they may not realize it - at least not yet.  They may miss their "real" moms and dads...or maybe they don't....because those thoughts bring back memories of abuse or neglect.  Either way, Mother's Day, is most likely filled with lots of emotions.
 
One teenage boy recently made this statement to my husband as he was asked about his mom. "I ain't got no good momma.  She don't care about us."  How did Mother's Day make him feel today?  My heart aches for him and his brother - as well as so many others in his same situation.
 
And then, I think of those who have lost loved ones close to Mother's Day.  My grandma (my mom's mom) died the day after Mother's Day twenty years ago.  It still makes me sad!  A friend lost her son the day before Mother's Day several years ago.  A young man lost his life today as the result of a car accident.  I don't know him, but several friends are friends of his and his family.  Instead of his mother celebrating Mother's Day with him, she faced possibly the worst day of her life.  Tragic and heart-breaking.
 
Sometimes we forget the feelings of others as we go about our celebrations.  It's not that we should neglect our mothers or our children/families neglect us, but we should consider the feelings of others.  Our celebrations and festive times can bring pain and sorrow to the hearts and minds of others....not just at Mother's Day, but many of our special holidays.
 
Take the time to write a note to someone who may be sad or lonely.  Take the time to ask how someone is feeling or how they are coping.  Comfort those who are grieving.  Remember that the grieving process takes time - a long time for many.  Holidays sometimes bring those grieving emotions back to the surface and it may take time to get back to feeling "normal" again.
 
Be an encourager to someone this week.  You'll make their day brighter, but yours will be made brighter, as well.
 

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.  Galatians 6:2

 

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4