Parent Eye

Sometimes people get "parent eyes" or "grandparent eyes". This is when someone else's child or grandchild does something it's wrong, but if my own child or grandchild does it, it's okay. This can be something seemingly simple, but it can be something glaringly big. It can be something innocent, but it can be something sinful. It can be something against God's word, yet if it's MY child or grandchild, my "parent eyes" or "grandparent eyes" easily overlooks it because I don't want to believe that what my child or grandchild is doing is wrong.

Let's just look at some of the things that can cause "parent eyes" or "grandparent eyes":

#1: In sports, MY child walks with the ball. "Parent eyes" or "grandparent eyes" yell, "He/she did not walk!" Everyone else clearly say that he/she did walk, yet the parent can't believe it; however if someone else's child walks you can hear murmuring, "That's the third time he/she has walked!" See the problem? Yes. And the child didn't offend God. It's an innocent mistake. No big deal, really. The parent and grandparent could be offending Him, though, just by their attitude.

#2: In life, YOUR child is living with their boyfriend/girlfriend. "Parent eyes" or "grandparent eyes" will see YOUR child and think (rightfully so), "That is wrong! (1 Corinthians 6:9-10, 18...Ephesians 5:5) Sexual relations outside of marriage is sinful in God's eyes! It's listed with murder in the Bible! (Revelation 21:8)" And it is! Yet a few years down the road and those same parents and grandparents will have a child that moves in with their boyfriend/girlfriend and seem to not have a problem with it. Maybe they do deep down, and of course they wouldn't shout their disdain to the world or on social media (hopefully), but seemingly act as if it's okay. Nothing is said, even to close friends who are around them all of the time. And oftentimes the child/grandchild is posting on social media what is blatantly against God's Word, be it sexual immorality, drunkenness, mocking God or Jesus, etc. They're not only doing it, but flaunting it in the eyes of friends and family and strangers.

The point is that we all do sin and do wrong, of course, but as parents and grandparents, we must learn to see what is real. We can't excuse things in our lives and the lives of our children/grandchildren, yet condemn those around us who do the very same thing. If it's wrong, it's wrong.

Christian's are under different guidelines than those in the world in regards to sin. If a lost person does wrong, they are no more lost than they were before. They are separated from God because of sin. When a faithful Christian does wrong, it's sin, but the blood of Jesus will continue to cleanse us and make us spotless again when we confess our sins and ask God to forgive them. He is a graceful and merciful Heavenly Father and aren't we thankful that He is?!

If we are Christians we have an obligation and commandment with instructions to follow when someone is wrong, as in the example of sexual immorality given above. We find this in 1 Corinthians 5:9-13, where Paul says:

"I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world (Note from Parent's After God's Own Heart: This was written to Christians and for Christians, not for this 'of the world' who are not Christians), or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”"

That is God's instruction, whether we're looking through "parent eyes" and "grandparent eyes" or not. Our eyes can change. We can put on dark shades or rose colored glasses that distort what is true and right. God's Word never, ever changes. He is the same. The Bible is the same. And wrong is wrong, no matter what.

What eyes are you looking through today? Are they seeing what's real? Are they seeing what is right? Or are they seeing through "parent eyes" or "grandparent eyes"?

"Quit Scaring the Children!"

Sunday night our congregation hosted a youth event where many surrounding towns came to join in the worship and fellowship time together.  The speaker, Brandon, who is a youth minister, had a wonderful lesson from Daniel 3 about the "Fiery Furnace".  If you know the story, you know that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego wouldn't bow down to King Nebuchadnezzar's idol and so he threw them into an extremely hot furnace.  God saved the three men, even putting a forth man who looked like "as son of a god" into the fire with them.  He saved them because of their faith in Him.

Brandon talked encouraged all of us to be like these men - not caving in to anything in the world, but standing firm in our faith in God.  One thing he also said was to the adults in the audience. He specifically said to those "45 and older" (which I take offense in since I'm barely over that age! Haha!) was to for "us" to QUIT SCARING THE CHILDREN.  He realizes, as we all do, that this world has its problems.  The up-coming election has many people worried and scared about the future, even to the point of posting ridiculous and outlandish things on social media that are meant to be a scare tactic and pursuade people to vote for their chosen candidate.  The problem with all of this is that we are telling the children we are scared, afraid, and fearful for their future.  And as Christians, there's a big problem with our example when we are showing fear over faith.  God says, "Do not fear" over and over and over again in His Word, yet many times we get so bogged down in fear that we can't see those promises.

So what can you and I do instead of being afraid at the outcomes of elections and the future for our children and grandchildren?  We can pray.  We SHOULD pray!  And we can show our children and grandchildren that CHRIST is King, no matter what happens in this world.  What else can we do?  We can be strong and courageous, keeping the faith at Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego did, not caving in to fear, even through the "hottest fire" we can imagine.

Just as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego's example showed and proved to King Nebuchadnezzar that there is only One God, you possibly may show someone else the same.  Someone may come to know Him because of that faith.

QUIT SCARING THE CHILDREN!  Let them see your strong faith! Let them see your hope and trust in the Lord.  In doing so, you're growing their own faith in Him.

Nebuchadnezzar responded and said, “Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego, who has sent His angel and delivered His servants who put their trust in Him, violating the king’s command, and yielded up their bodies so as not to serve or worship any god except their own God.

Daniel 3:28

Losing Everything

Several years ago on a radio show, a mother called in complaining about her 17-year-old son sitting on the couch all day playing video games. The man hosting the show responded with a very uncommon response. He said that she was the parent and that she should take the couch away. He also said to take the video game away. But basically he was telling this mom that she was allowing her son's bad behavior and habits.  Isn't that is good advice?

We read in Luke 15 the story of the prodigal son.  Have you ever noticed in that chapter that the prodigal didn't come to his senses until he had LOST everything he had? He had to go way down to the bottom to be able to look up and see what he was missing.  Sometimes we GIVE our children...or maybe even give ourselves...way too much and then they/we become slaves to it.

Remember that YOU are the parent. Sometimes we as adults have to "lose everything" in order to come to our senses, as well. Sometimes we're no different than that prodigal.

As parents, our children are entitled to love, patience and a host of other godly qualities; however they are not entitled to things that we become slaves to such as cell phones, video games and yes, even cars. Take it away.  A great lesson for us parents, and actually, for all of us!

CALL IT BOTH WAYS!

CALL IT BOTH WAYS!

It doesn't take long into a basketball season before you hear that familiar phrase. In fact, maybe you're even the one saying it! But maybe, like us, we're just the ones hearing it. Really hearing it. And it was directed towards my husband! And I didn't like it! At all!

This week was our annual elementary tournament. Several teams come to our large gym, they turn the court into two smaller courts with side goals that come down. The referees are locals - like my husband, brother-in-law, a few teachers, and a few high school basketball players. Strictly volunteers. No pay, just glad to help out the local school and visiting schools.

It didn't take long before fans (and coaches) were yelling about the calls they did make or they didn't make. They were even talked about on a small town radio station! Now before you think they really were that bad, consider that these kids are 5th and 6th graders, maybe some 4th graders. Many, if not most of them, have never played much basketball before and they're still learning the game. They're learning to dribble, to pass, to guard, to shoot, to be in the right places at the right times. And for many, at least in our town, they just finished football and went to basketball maybe two weeks ago. Not very long for practicing in their short gym period and with so many students.

Here are a few things we heard, and mine and my husband's thoughts about them afterwards:

1. Call it both ways!
What the fan really means is call it MY way. If the calls were all in his/her favor, he/she wouldn't be yelling!

2. They're walking! They're fouling! They're doing.......whatever!
Yes, they are some times. Both teams are. Look really closely and you'll notice. But, they did call it when it was bad...just not the occasional.

3. You need to call everything!!
Really? There were two teams playing at a time, starting at 4:00 and ending about 8:00. If EVERYTHING was called, it wouldn't have been over until midnight. Really. Again, what the fan means is call everything on THEM.

4. Didn't you see that?
No. Probably not. You are a ways from the action and usually up in the stands, so it's easier for you to see it than it is for a ref who can't look at everything. He/She must look at the play/action where the ball is. One of them may be back a ways, but then the offense may be blocked from their view.

5. Come on, REF!
You know what? If you really feel like the refs are that bad, why don't you become a ref yourself and make the system better! This more for paid/professional refs, of course....not the volunteers at an elementary tournament.

If you're a fan, please open your eyes to TRULY see everything that is going on. Don't look only at the other teams' offenses, but at your own. Open your mind, as well. And maybe, for once, don't open your mouth! Ha! Ha! Remember, little ones are listening to you. They're watching your example. When you yell rude things, they'll learn to do the same. And sometimes it isn't just parents, it's grandparents!

And remember, little Johnny may not grow up to be the greatest basketball player in the world. But if he's your son/daughter, grandson/granddaughter, the most important thing you can do is to be there. Even if they only sit on the bench.

Good Stuff!

I saw several good things today that I wanted to share with you.  The first one is from "Parents Raising Godly Children".

It's more valuable than a lifetime of your income.

It's more important than your position in the company.

It's desired by ALL children/grandchildren.

Your children/grandchildren crave it from YOU more than anything.

Parents many times withhold it from their children.

Your children will grow up and still need it.

It's a gift that's priceless...

Your TIME.

Leave a legacy!

This next one is from "MAPD: Making a Positive Difference".  Both are "pages" on Facebook that post good and positive things.

***We tend to fuel the unnecessary fire of others with our reactions to their drama.

Someone comes to us complaining, and we hop right on the bandwagon! Someone is spreading gossip and we are just all ears to hear. A person begins to trash another's idea and we join in!

They are looking for a reaction...and we're giving it to them. We're letting them know, through our reaction, that it is okay for them to show such behavior. And then WE get disturbed at their drama.

Instead, try "no reaction." You don't have to walk away in the middle of the conversation, but just simple don't respond. THEN excuse yourself from the conversation.

Hard thing to do, but the NECESSARY thing to do if you want to do YOUR part.***

And finally, I was searching for a quote about 'criticism' to encourage a teenage friend, when I came across this really good quote by Charles Stanley:

Too many Christians have a commitment of convenience. They'll stay faithful as long as it's safe and doesn't involve risk, rejection, or criticism. Instead of standing alone in the face of challenge or temptation, they check to see which way their friends are going. 

Parents Be Aware: The Problem with Snap Chat

Technology has opened up so many new windows of opportunities to do things.  Even by this blog I have met so many wonderful people all around the country!  Last week a young lady from New York wrote about some decorations I had shown in a post.  Now I am going to be helping her decorate for her wedding by sending her the decorations!  How neat is that!  

But with the good, there is some bad, and we must be aware of the bad.  Not to dwell on it, but to protect ourselves and our families.  Specifically, our children need us to be actively involved in guiding them to make good choices.

A popular thing with youth today is sending pictures of themselves to others.  That may be okay to some degree (though personally I believe that anyone who takes multiple pictures of themselves and posts them or sends them has a self image problem that needs to be addressed), but a new app called SnapChat that is popular among teens is one that is being used for "sexting". Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobil phones.  It has been popular for quite some time and can be used on other social media, as well (Facebook, Instagram, etc.), but the difference with this app is that the picture is not stored on the sender's phone or the receivers phone.  It disappears.  So people can send the picture and not worry whether it will be saved and used in another way.  Parents won't see it or even find out.  Other kids won't see it, though the kids can tell about it.  There's no proof that it was sent or received.  It's a big problem in our world today.

Below is a link for a great article about this app, from a Christian perspective.  Of course, just because someone has the app doesn't mean they are using it in the way mentioned.  It's not the app itself that's bad.  It's just being used in that way.  

Take the time to look at the link, because it's more prevalent than you might think.  Parents and grandparents - be aware!  Something that may not seem like a big deal to some of our youth is actually a very big deal.  Studies have shown that once a young person sees pornography type pictures - it will be etched in their minds for a long, long time....perhaps forever.  This can (obviously) cause problems for the rest of a young person's - or older person's life.  It can cause problems with careers. It can cause serious relationship problems.  It can cause addictions that are not easily overcome.  It's a really big deal.  Don't brush it off.

http://www.radicallychristian.com/what-is-this-snapchat-app

 Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. ¹⁴ Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.

Romans 13:13-14

A Surprise Wedding!

December 21 was my maternal grandparents anniversary date.  If they were both still living, this year they would be celebrating their 72nd anniversary.  They did have 51 years together, which was a blessing. Actually, all of our children's great-grandparents were married around 50 years.  Only death kept them from reaching more years.

Grandpa Gene and Grandma Sibyl had an interested wedding, that I thought you might enjoy hearing about.  They were engaged to be married on January 14, 1940,  but the town of Hollis, Oklahoma, was hosting a special event to pick a surprise couple to be married on December 21, 1939.  My grandparents were selected as the winning couple! 

Here's part of the newspaper article about my grandparents' special day: (Notice how many people were at their wedding!)

Nearly 6,000 residents of the Hollis trade territory jammed city streets Thursday night for the climaxing even of a Christmas season packed "to the brim" - a secret wedding, which became a secret no more when Eugene Francis and Sibyl Nell were revealed as the bridegroom and bride.

The couple first appeared before the crowd in masks.  Exclamations of surprise burst from the audience, indicating the "secret" had been well kept by the few persons handling arrangements for the event.  Vows were read publicly by A.D. Tweedy, minister of the church of Christ at Hollis.

The couple "set sail" on their marital cruise with the blessing of the entire throng, and with $200 worth of household supplies, provided by twenty-nine city merchants, tucked away among their presents.

My grandpa wrote a letter to his oldest sister about the wedding on December 17, 1939.  Here's part of it:

Dear Myrl:

     I thought I would write & tell you that me & Sibyl are going to get married on the street Thursday nite at 9 o'clock thought maybe you & Sam would like to see it.  It will take a lot of nerve but I can stand anything for $200.00 worth of stuff.  I don't have to pay for nothing, not even a ring.  It is supposed to be kept secret but I thought I would tell you all.

     Well, I will close, so if you want to see me faint Thursday nite be sure & come.

                                                                                                           Love, Eugene

***** (I can hear my grandpa's voice as I read that letter!!)

I love weddings and everything about them.....the decorations, the colors, the photographs....everything.  Wouldn't it be neat to have a surprise wedding in your town???!!  Maybe I should plan one for someone :).

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?  So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

Matthew 19:4-6

Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me……Not Texting LOL

Note from Lori: I read this article last night in an online magazine called "Victory Herald".  Immediately I read it to my husband and oldest two children who were still awake, then wrote the author, Ann, and asked for permission to post it on my blog.  She said yes, so I'm sharing it with you!  Thank you, Ann!  I love your thoughts about sharing God's Word with your grandchildren in a way that relates to them!!  (Wonder what new-fangled thing I'll be using some day to communicate with mine??? :)

Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me……Not Texting LOL

If you had told me last month that I would be texting, I would have said, “No way, Jos’e.”

You see, I had been trying to convince my grandchildren what a waste of time it was and how they are missing out on life. Their phones were always tucked somewhere on their bodies, as if they were part of their anatomy, and they would constantly be pulling them out and looking at them. What a mystery this was to me, their grandmother.

Their father, my son, would say, “Mom it’s no use, that’s the way the world is now days, and we can’t change it.”

So when my son offered to put me on his phone plan and supply me with my own phone with a neat keyboard, I was reluctant. When he told me that I had unlimited texting, I was not the least bit impressed. Why in the world would I ever need that. But I was happy to have a reliable way to get in touch with family when I was out of town and in emergencies. Then my ten-year-old granddaughter Karson introduced me to the world of texting and sending and how to keyboard. “WOW!” what an interesting piece of 2x4 plastic.

The next morning, I sent my first text to all six of my grandchildren, just to encourage them and wish them a great day before school. I reminded them that there were thousands of young people in the world who did not have a school to attend, nor a breakfast to eat, and that I wanted them to be thankful for what God had given them. I knew this would be something new for them, since I had spelled out every word and used proper punctuation. I signed off (G-mama(:~)SMILE).

My granddaughter Courtney texted me back and said, “Grandma, you don’t have to sign your name; we know who it’s from.”

After several days of texting, and my being late one day, another granddaughter, Brittany, called and said “Grandma, you forgot our text today.”

I knew then that God had given me a new way to get His word and thoughts into my grandchildren. They weren’t coming to me as often as before, so I had found a way to go to them. My heart and mind went into overdrive with all the things I could share with them over the next 20 years or however long I may live. How excited I was! I didn’t have to bother them with a call, they could read my text at their convenience or delete me if they chose.

Each morning as I have my time with God, I can share with them some wonderful things God shows me from His Word or something interesting I hear. As a retired nurse, I love to tell them how beautifully and wonderfully they are made.

I shared on the second day, “If you took all 300,000,000 sacs called alveoli in our lungs, and laid them out, they would cover the surface area forty times larger than the skin’s, an area large enough to carpet a….Wait, Wait—Don’t tell me…a small classroom. What a great Creator we have!”

So I have gone from a texting hater to a texting lover. With all the crazy things going on in the world of technology, it can be used for so many good things. When my text is going to the cell tower miles away and back down to my grandchildren’s hands, I am filling the earth with the Glory of God.

One of my favorite scripture passages, Psalm 71:17,18, says: “ Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your deeds. Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, til I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.”
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First appeared in Mature Living, October 2011
Ann Knight

Elizabethtown, Kentucky