I Don't Want To Be Here!

I'll never forget sitting at the table with my husband and the funeral director and thinking, "I don't want to be here!"  And I didn't want to be there.  I shouldn't have been there, but apparently God had other plans for me than what I had for me, because I was there.

As we talked about the funeral arrangements, I kept thinking of all of the things I wanted to be done.....to be said.....past conversations with a friend about what we would do in a situation such as this, never once thinking either of us would ever actually be in a situation like this.

(Read more about why I was at a funeral home HERE.)

For parents anxiously awaiting the birth of a child, losing that baby is something none of them would want to face.  Losing a child at any point is something no one would choose to face, yet here we were.  And many of you have been there, too.  Sitting somewhere saying, "I don't want to be here!"  And yet you are there....for whatever reason.

When trials come our way, as Christians, the Bible tells us to have joy - still.  In the hurt and pain, joy is sometimes hard to find, but it's there.  We just have to recognize that it is there.  It doesn't mean we're happy and joyful about the circumstance that are bringing the trial, but we can be joyful in the fact that we know God is there with us - comforting and strengthening us - during the trial, and that He in His ways will work something about it out for good.  The good may not be for us to see or know, but the good is still there.  It's a promise of God and is only for those who are His children.  We can be confident of that fact and claim that promise!

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

James 1:2-3

Maybe you are at a point in your life where you're saying to God, "I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE!"  Maybe you're saying, "I want to be over there, God!  Move me away from here! (Or this or that...)" But  perhaps God has you where you are for a reason.  In fact, as one of His children, I'm certain that you are where you are for a reason.....even if you are in a trial.  God WILL use it to work for good in some way.  You just have to believe that.  He IS working in your life.  You just have to have faith in that promise.  And He WILL be with you in whatever it is you are going through.  Trust Him.

I realize not everyone likes to think about God working in this way.  Some want to believe that a loving God will only bring good.  But, my friends, the Bible does not teach that, and we can't deny it.  If we never had bad things come about, we wouldn't cling to God quite as much.  We wouldn't feel the need for His care quite as strongly.  We might even get to thinking all of the good was because of what we had done, instead of because of what HE has done for us.

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.

Hebrews 12:6

I came across this quote a few days ago and really liked it.  It says what the Bible says, in a different way:

Everything happens for a reason. God uses those circumstances to correct you, direct you, or perfect you.

Don't be afraid to analyze your trial.  When I was hospital waiting for the birth of our sweet little Caleb, that I knew had already passed away and whose soul was with God in Heaven, I kept thinking, "What is God trying to teach me through this?"  Never once did I say "Why is God punishing me!", though if you ever have or do, I believe God would understand that feeling.  I believe that God was trying to teach me....to correct me....to direct me....and to perfect me.....into being more prayerful, into relying more on  Him and less on self, and to not be so busy with life (that was our 4th child, and I was busy!) that I neglected time with Him.  I listened.  I learned.  I grew.  I pray that you will, too.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

James 1:2-4