Thorn in the Flesh

Today I want to talk to you about something I haven't ever written about before.  It's not that I don't think you'll care, but I just haven't wanted to bring it up.  I don't want to have a pity party for myself and wouldn't want to invite you to it, either.  Some parties are fun.  Pity parties are not!

For the past 2 1/2 months I've been dealing with sinus trouble, asthma problems, allergy problems, and unexplained shortness of breath.  Every day when I wake up I hope and pray that this trouble has disappeared, but so far it hasn't.  Some days are better than others, but none of them are great, as far as my breathing is concerned.  For the most part, I'm able to get through each day with several asthma/allergy medications and also use a nebulizer (breathing treatments) several times a day.  I've been exploring natural-type treatments, as well.

I've had asthma for over 30 years.  I know enough about it that I know how to treat it and take preventative steps/medications to help control it for the most part.  My allergies were bad as a child and I took shots for years, but then they seemed to subside, until they re-appeared with a vengance a few years ago.  I'm actually starting allergy shots again this week and am optimistic that they will help many of my symptoms.

For the most part, the breathing difficulty doesn't seem to be asthma related because no asthma medications seem to help.  Allergy medicines help a little bit, but they don't totally rectify the problem, either.  I had this same trouble a few years ago and had a few irregular heart tests along with the breathing symptoms.  I was sent to a heart specialist and a lung specialist. The heart doctor thought everything was heart-related and the lung doctor thought everything was heart-related.  Basically, nothing helped and nothing was found.  In the end, after three months, my breathing got better and the cause of my problems were never known.  I didn't care.  I was just thankful it disappeared!

These past few months have been about the same.  This go-round began with several sinus infections, then went to bronchitis/clinical pneumonia, general allergy/asthma trouble, and then the same unexplained shortness of breath.  Lots of medicines and trips to the doctor.  Still no answers.

Recently when I went to the doctor, I was upset.  I was having to miss one of my children's baseball games - a game where he was the pitcher...something he only did twice this year.  The doctor began to read in to my tears/upset frame of mind as depression.  I could tell by the way he acted.  This made me mad (and I don't get mad too often)!  I AM TOO BLESSED TO BE DEPRESSED!  I do not want a label like depression (not that I think it's bad or wrong, but I knew that wasn't my problem and I didn't want an offering of another medicine for something that I was positive I didn't need)   I wanted to get well.  I had been on two months worth of antibiotics and prednisone (which causes unfortunate weight gain) and now I had begun to run fever yet again!.  I wanted to be well!  I didn't want to be sick all of the time!  After my somewhat of a rant explanation of how I felt, the doctor retreated from the "depression" stance (I think he was scared :)  hee hee!  No, I really think he got the drift that I wasn't depressed.  I was angry that my sickness was keeping me from doing what I needed and wanted to do.  It was keeping from doing what I should be doing...taking care of my family.  It was keeping me from being at my son's game.  I don't like having to miss my children's activities or anything else, for that matter.

So, I'm telling you this because, first of all, I would like for you to pray for me.  Pray for my health and my breathing.  Pray for the shortness of breath to GO AWAY, please.  Secondly, I'm telling you this because maybe you are struggling with something in your life - something that you want to happen or something you want to go away - and yet God is saying NO.  If you're like me, you don't like NO!  You want what YOU want.  I want what I want.  I want God to take care of this now and I'm growing a little bit impatient in the waiting game.

But, you know what?  I keep thinking of the apostle Paul.  He had a "thorn" in his flesh.  We don't know what it was, but some Bible scholars speculate that it was poor eyesight because of this verse: "See what large letters I use as I write to you with my own hand," Galatians 6:11

Whatever it was, Paul didn't like it and he had asked God to take it from him.....and God said NO.  Paul also recognized his "thorn" as from Satan.  I can easily think of my health problems as from Satan!  It's not hard at all, in fact!

What I must do, though, is realize that God is in control.  Not me.  And, just maybe, that is what God is trying to teach me.   Maybe not, but maybe so.  Maybe He is saying to me, like he did to Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

If that is what God is trying to tell me, then, God: I AM LISTENING! If it is, then I must be content and realize that His grace is sufficient for me....no matter how hard that may be.

Thank you, in advance, for you prayers on my behalf.  I appreciate it very much!